The Bizness Bastard (To Be Filmed)

"Hi, my name is Bernard Barbalowitz...but my rich friend call me Bernie. And I am THE BIZNESS BASTARD! I'm gonna talk to you today about what it takes to be the best economical you that you can be. We're in tough times. People are jumping out of buildings the economy is so bad. They're leaping off of roofs, hopin' to land on their heads so they don't have to worry about this recession no more. It's as if America caught a cold...from poor people! America has the swine flu. You heard it here first. All the banks, the Wall St., the moneymakers...they're in the hospital hallucinatin...askin 'what happened? where's my momma? where's my money? where's my 14 carrot gold penguin statue with the diamond eyes?' Now you gotta ask yourself...are you gonna be in the hospital bed next to em? The sick ole bunk buddy? Or are you gonna be the fat cat doctoro that steals from their wallets when they're sleepin? Are you gonna let this recession take control of you? Or are you gonna take control of your finances, and rise up against this ho-hum-bum-rum???

That's what I thought! Now ole Uncle Bernie's gonna help you out here. I've some bizness tips to get you back on your feet. Get a pen and paper ready...lick the tip so you know the ink is ready to flow. No doodlin' now. Doodlin' don't get you rich! If Uncle Bernie finds out you're doodlin' he's gonna come to your house and crush your fingers with his strength.

Okay here are some tips that will you wallet fat and your fat cat fed:

-Why buy bottled water for your employees when there's a perfectly good pond across the street? If your employees are too good for pond water, then fire their candy ass! This ain't a marathon race! Pond water will get your whistle wet!

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