The more I learn about everything that doesn't involve me, the more I see how fucked we are. Why can't America and readers like you be. more. like. me. ME! Michael Conti! I'm the only hope. I spit facts.

FACT: Today the Russian Club had a bake sale today.

FACT: Everyone is the Russian Club is an asshole Communist trying to control me via mind-control muffin poison.

The Tollhouse got it right, everybody. He was right. Disappear! Poof! Gone! Goodbye for now! Walking around and chatting with people is dumber that Soy Sauce Cereal.

FACT: My head is like a magazine. Full of information.

FACT: I can't tell if the last fact was witty writing or dumb as shit.

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