Celebrities, Japanese Drafting and a French DJ

Life is about drifting. Tokoyo Drifting. That's when your car swerves in Japan. It's a movie. And it's what my life is about. I first began to love drifting when I saw the movie FAST + FURIOUS: THE TOKOYO DRIFT. "That's what I've been missing," I said as the ending credits flashed on my screen.

Life is also about Kavinsky. His music makes you jump higher, punch harder, and zip line furthur. The first time I heard his music I literally zip-lined from a construction crane. Easily 1000 feet straight down. Some guys were trying to drown my friend Dean, so I surprise zip-line kicked them. They were the ones in for the watery grave. Thanks Kavinsky. Dean thanks you. I thank you. And I'm sure the construction company that owns that crane thanks you. Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

I don't understand. Since when is slapping your palms together the universal sign that everything is okay? When these hidden camera shows finally reveal the joke, everyone who's in on it starts to clap. And the target, who's absolutely furious, is supposed to know that everything is okay? If someone who just pissed me off started to smile and clap, my natural reaction would be to hit that bitch. Am I alone here?

Last night I dreamt that the house across the street from my house was converted to a classy restaurant. I was eating at the restaurant with some friends when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes walked in and sat down at our table. Except Tom Cruise was fat. His face was chubby and he had a hard time moving his neck. They were really quiet, and acted social only after some paparazzi arrived to take their picture.

I didn't ask about Suri.


Variant E said...

Was Tom a picky eater? I bet he was!

That Tokyo drift thing; that changed my life too. I can now get up the freeway 4 minutes faster thanks to flawless drifting around cars on the freeway that, just like in the movie, always give me plenty of room to drift in between and around them.

Christine said...

You're not alone, I'd smack the bitch.

Shawna said...

Were Katie's (or doesn't she prefer Kate now?) eyes all droopy and weird looking in your dream?

The Prose~Cuter said...

You know, I only just now remembered that Katie Holmes is, or was, your dream woman... and thus realized that your dream woman is now married with a kid. I'm sorry, Conti.

Variant E said...

There once was a blogger named Mike
Who posted whenever he liked
But then his audience dwindled
They felt they were swindled
because he disappeared like the ATV trike.

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the wayward o said...

i'm going to borrow my friends iPhone

know why?

so i can read your blog while on a jog.

Melissa said...

I think Conti got eaten by a bear in the West Virginia woods.He texted me a few weeks ago saying "Hi" and I haven't heard from him since.Poor Conti.

hans q. bungle said...

dude, come back please. the internet is like 20% less interesting without you.

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