4.18.2007

USC-YA

Sure, I felt like the 45 cent dishrag at the dollar store.

I was the hot dog buffet in a room full of fat hobo's.

The weak dragon in a cave full of wizards.

The back hair at a waxing parlor.

The pencil in the back of the drawer.

I was disappointed when I found out that I wouldn't be going to grad school.

For two hours, I moped and dragged, frowned and shrugged. "I coulda been sooomeboday!", I shouted without my shirt on. I cried on bread before eating it. "I'm too dumb to eat dry bread."

"I'll never meet Madonna and I'll never own a robot!"

It went on.

"I'm so un-Fergalicious. I'm the anti-Fergalicious."

Obviously that was rock-bottom. Michael Conti, anti-Fergalicious?

After a few hours, I came out it and stopped feeling sorry for myself. I realized that studying writing in grad school wasn't God's plan. I have a different path.

I'm not sure what that path is, quite yet. I finished up at the CPA's office yesterday. That was ballzo nutzo times three thousand. I'm going to take a few days off to clear the brain out, then I've got to decide my next step. I've never had so many options. I could do anything in the world...Professional Jenga Player, Sushi Seller, Camp Counselor, Advertiser, etc. No matter what though, I have nothing in this world to complain about. The situation in Virgina is a reminder that most all problems are insignificent. I am so blessed.

When I tell people I didn't get into schools, they say "Oh man, that sucks. I'm so sorry." It's nice, but I don't really need to hear it. I'm a baseball guy, and I'm looking at the situation like I went 0-for-4 in a game. It sucks, of course I wanted better results, but there's another game tomorrow. And I'm due for a big one...

22 comments:

alex said...

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Melissa said...

Hmm, I'm sorry, I just got distracted by the percocet reference. Anyway, you can move back to Austin, live in our extra bedroom rent free, and I dunno, work? We could be unemployed together, yay!!!

Shawna said...

And you have a pontiac, and are willing to make out in it...maybe you could be a call boy?!?!

Variant E said...

Screw it; sell the call and all your needless material possessions and go travel for awhile. See Europe; you can get laid there much easier Conti. Life has its way of working out in the end; you don't always need the map to proceed down it.

Variant E said...

You know...I meant "sell the car" not "sell the call". Sometimes I'm coherant...

Ajax said...

College, while a good place to meet young, attractive, literate women, is otherwise totally lame.

Life isn't in some classroom - it's out there, in the outsides.

Take it from me - I've accomplished nothing!

mike said...

I vote Camp Counselor. You can be like Bill Murray in Meatballs.

alex said...

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L'Austin Translation said...

hahaha that spammer just won't let up!


Conti, I am sorry USC didn't see your brilliance, but like you said- one door closes and another opens.

I've been telling you, maybe next time you're in Austin or we're in Houston you should talk to my boy. He moved to LA to try his hand at writing for comedy shows and ended up in graduate business school at UT.

My life changed drastically too around your age. That's how it goes in most people's 20's.

Things work out, you know? Just not always as you think they should.

House of Suz said...

One word: telecom.

Justin said...

I'm all about what Varient E said: go travel! And since you mentioned sushi, I think the perfect place for you would be Taiwan. I just saw a video at their pseudo-embassy a couple weeks ago. Place looks like a god-rabbit shit a little island of perfection. Beautiful scenery, the food's apparently amazing, the people are nice, and you could brush up on your Chinese. Which would give you a marketable skill to bring back to the States some day...

the wayward o said...

you should start a blog

alex said...

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alex said...

.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ...

The Prose~Cuter said...

As "alex" so wisely said, you's the right kind o'breeze, you is. And Conti, you are nothing if not the right kind of breeze. And as you wisely said, you are blessed. I can't offer much in the way of condolences, because you don't need any. While I empathize with the initial shock that comes with realizing something won't go the way you expected, it's clear that whatever as-yet-unplanned route you end up taking, it will be the perfect one for you, and you will keep bringing the Conti awesomeness to your followers.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Anti-Ferengi?! How can that be?

Christine said...

I'm excited for you and interested to see where you go from here. You have a great outlook on life and I've always admired your imagination and sense of humor. Have fun!

the pants said...

you would of just gotten shot there anyway dude... wait. where is this hot dog buffet and are the hobos packing?

pbdotc said...

conti i saw a guy today and it made me think of you.

some doods just put down a fresh patch of sidewalk.

there was a guy in a lawn chair watching it dry, making sure nobody put their grafitti in it.

but mainly he was just watching the ladies go by.

Anonymous said...

where did you go?

House of Suz said...

Dude, where'd ya go?

jessica said...

I heard the FBI is hiring. FEMALE BODY INSPECTORS