4.04.2007

3 Fantasies

The Texas Fantasy:

I'm wearing a cowboy hat (and nothing else). I watch as gallons of crude oil spill all over a naked woman's fake breasts. Mack Brown is there, head-set and all, urging me to "go for the endzone". As I make love (to the girl, not Mack), I hear "The Stars at night are big and bright...deep in the heart of Texas!"

The Egg Salad Fantasy:

I'm sitting in a comfortable chair in front of a large, oval table made of oak. It's a bright room, and I'm smiling. Dave Chappell, Dave Letterman, and Will Ferrell are in the surrounding chairs. In the center of the table sits a platter of delicious egg salad sandwiches. We enjoy lunch together.

The Bitsy Can Talk Fantasy:

I'm at a party with a lot of babes, when all the sudden my dead dog Bitsy leaps into my arms. Only she's not dead, she's alive. And she can talk! She tells me how she liked when I chased her around the couch, how funny it was when she accidently put her face into my sister's mouth, etc. The babes don't talk to Bitsy though, because they are not worthy.



Vote for your favorite. The winning Fantasy will actually happen. Mecca-Lecca-Hiiiii-Mecca Hyni-Hoooooooo. Ya know? I'll use that shit and it will happen. Mecca-Lecca-Hyyyyyyy-Mecca Henii-Hoooooooooe

14 comments:

Variant E said...

I was going to go for the Texas Fantasy but that oil...not very "green" there. It's all about the environment now you know. I'll have to go with the Bitsy one. It's got babes and well, it's weird-funny too.

Christine said...

The egg salad fantasy, but only if I get to make it. The thought of you and Will Ferrell biting into my famous egg salad sammiches melts my butter. Oh right this is about your fantasy.

emertron said...

Everything's better with egg salad. Plus, then once it digests you could fart & see who's is the smelliest.

House of Suz said...

Egg salad of course!

House of Suz said...

Oh, and loved the PeeWee reference.

Melissa said...

I have to go with anything involving Mack. Hook em!

Ajax said...

I vote for the tv writer one.

Runner up: gasoline lady.

Yessie said...

you had me at (and nothing else)

Anonymous said...

Your best entry in months...

THE anonymous returns...mmuuuuhhaaahahahaha


oh and the answer is the Texas fantasy, of course

mike said...

The Texas Fantasy needs a bullwhip and a rattlesnake.

erin said...

bitsy can talk

Shawna said...

Talking dogs are rad.

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The Prose~Cuter said...

"We enjoy lunch together." I don't know why, but I am still laughing. It's been days now, so I thought I should say something.

But the Texas fantasy though. Yes.