My mind as I waited in line at church to confess my sins to a priest:
"Tell him you drowned a midget."
"No! No! I'm in church trying to be serious here. Please leave. Okay...so what should I tell him? About how I stole a book in 3rd grade?"
"Say that you put poison in the salad dressing of an old people's home."
"Shit man, leave me alone! I'm trying to focus. Leave!"
"That chick waiting in that line is kinda hot. I'd like to sin some with her."
"Yeah, she is kinda hot....wait..wait...church...church...confessions."
"Tell the priest about your blog and about how you write weird things on it. About how you lie and cuss and judge. How you wouldn't want your grandma to read it."
"Yeah okay. I'm going to tell God about my blog. You loser. Leave me alone so I can think of real shit to say."
"Why is that 10 year old here? What could he possibly have to confess? That he's one of those kids who's sleeping with his teacher?"
"Man you can't be thinking those things now. This is church! The Almighty is listening in!"
"He's about to forgive you. Might as well get some sins out...clear the system and all that shit."
"Actually. I guess you're right. Ballsack. Fuck. Shit. Suck or fuck a duck with luck."
"Well you're on...the lady in front of you is crossing herself and getting up. It's about time with that broad. She took forever."
"Here goes. Be quiet for a minute."
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned..."