Back in The H, a list

Since moving back to Houston, I've:

-watched ghost porn with a group of people in a mansion
-eaten over 200 warm miniature pickles
-listened to a group of old women talk about how "they don't make toilet seats like they used too" while eating a plate of lasagna
-been promised a lasercomb, by my mother
-wrote a short movie about an elevator saleman
-convinced a group of law students that I work at the Houston Zoo, teaching panda-bears to use calculators
-accused 4 people of being gem thieves

I also met with a girl I knew years ago, who kept up with me by reading this blog. I hadn't seen her for a few years, and after talking with her an hour, she said:

"I forgot that you are, like, a normal person. You haven't even mentioned Henry Ford yet."

I guess she thought I was a weirdo because of what I write on here. I felt like I was disappointing her, so I upped my odd level. But actually she was much more bizarre then me. For instance, she talked for an hour about how she was excited for summer because a lot of gay HJs happen at her apartments pool. "I'm going to invite people over so we can all watch," she said.

And for the (n)one of you who care, drafted this fantasy baseball team yesterday:

c- Brian McCann
1- Mark Teixiera
2- Brian Roberts
ss- Michael Young
3- Garret Atkins
of- Alfonso Soriano
of- Grady Sizemore
of- Mike Cameron
util- Prince Fielder
b- Joe Crede
b- Brad Hawpe
b- Michael Barrett

sp- Cole Hamels
sp- Jared Weaver
rp- Jonathon Papelbon
rp- JJ Putz
rp- Solomon Torres
sp- Dontrelle Willis
sp- AJ Burnett
sp- Chien-Ming Wang
sp- Freddy Garcia

Siiiiiiiiiick squad, huh?


Tim said...

That is a nice team. How many teams in your league? I have my draft Thursday. I can't wait.

Variant E said...

Ghost porn??? Is that where everything is see-through?

Anonymous said...

I'll give you Bonderman for Sizemore.

Conti said...

Tim- 10-person league.

Varient E- Actually it was a Wild West Ghost Porn, where a woman would walk around the desert and "see" ghosts doing it.

anonymous (Rook)- NO

Tim said...

We have 14 teams. It's annoying. Two quit this year and they went out and got 2 more rather than have each team be stronger. It makes the last few players on each team far below average. Hawpe will definitely be a starter in our league.

House of Suz said...

I suggest a photo essay at your lady friend's pool.

Christine said...

I agree. :)

Christine said...

Oh and I'm down for Ghost porn too.

jessica said...

You so made that girl up.

emertron said...

Law students are so stupid.

the wayward oriole said...

you need a big bat in 4 hole

that's re: baseball, not porn

Variant E said...

Wayward Oriole:

Thank goodness you clarified that 4 hole thing not being porn because I was having a really hard time figuring out that fourth orifice!

the pants said...

oh invite me to the handjob pool party!!

i'll bring pigs in a blanket!

Tim said...

sizemore - sick
mccann - sick
hamels - sick

phillies bullpen for not getting hamels the win - disgusting.

Jen said...

Yes, you definitely made that girl up. I'm going to say that with 100% certainty. :)

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