wait for it

Holy Henry, I got a job. I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO INTERVIEW TO GET THIS JOB. I just dialed a phone number and said my name. MICHAEL CONTI. That's all it took. Next thing I know I have a job and I'm buying slacks with my mum.

An older black man helped me at the department store. "Young man. Try these on." he'd say while my mother nodded in agreement. Those two had me try on 50 pairs of slacks! Boy o boy! I broke a sweat from extending and zipping, folding and hanging.

Cut me some slacks, won't you?

Haha, comic gold! I want to tell that joke to a bunch of children. Their tiny laughs would raise my spirits and invade my lungs with goodspirit. I wouldn't smile at the children. Only inhale them as their laughs continued.

I work in a large blue building off of Chimney Rock. Won't you stop buy? Bring me a calzone or a pierogie and wish me luck at my new position. Perhaps you could comment on my slacks. Buy me a gift or kiss me on the mouth. It would be the right thing to do.

Also, could someone sign me up for eharmony, so I can start dating women in their 30's? Thanks.


Melissa said...

At lunch, I was looking through my glove compartment for some paper to write on and I found a print out from Map Quest that had Chimney Rock highlighted. I thought to myself "Why was I trying to get to Chimney Rock?" I was obviously trying to find you a new job and this was a year ago. I'm so ahead of the times.

Ajax said...

Chimney Rock is like a Hardy Boys place, right?

Ajax said...

Also, I can't believe you are going to get paid to watch boobs. That is so awesome!!!

pbdotc said...

it's going to pain me to watch or rather read as your soul is slowly crushed. i'm gonna say quit now.

Anonymous said...


House of Suz said...

I thought no one under the age of 50 used the word "slacks". Better check out Match.com instead, the ones that say they're in their 40s are really in their 50s (evidently your age group) and they aren't as Christ-y as eharmony, so they put out. Words of wisdom. Good luck with the new job and the dating!

deion said...

i got me mono & strep, and i wanna' kiss you

starlet said...

why would you want to date women in their 30's when you have WOMEN IN THEIR 20's???

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MIke said...

How about a firm handshake and a hot pocket?

Conti said...

thanks deon.

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