I'm looking for a job here in Houston, and it has me thinking about what I'd like to do for the next 6 months. Here are the positions I'm aiming for:
Water Watcher-- Someone pays me to watch a body of water. In an official journal, I'll record all pirate sightings, sea monster encounters, bass gas, fin spottings, drift wood counts, oil rig changes, etc.
Breast Watcher -- Someone pays me to watch a bunch of breasts. In an official journal, I'll record all jiggles, nipple slips, areola flubs, bra textures, silicone sightings, tit-bits, etc.
Important Button Pusher -- Someone pays me to press big, red, shiny buttons all day while rock music plays.
Thrower of Styrofoam Bricks at Toddlers -- Someone pays me to throw styrofoam bricks at toddlers (sounds fun).
Virgin Supermodel Gigolo -- Virgin Supermodels pay me for top-shelf romance, sexual feelings, etc.
Those are my Top 5. Can anyone help me with this? I'm a hard worker with a positive attitude. I have a firm handshake and am rarely late. My hair smells like vanilla and my chest hair is minimal. Please hire me.