MRC, Employee

I'm looking for a job here in Houston, and it has me thinking about what I'd like to do for the next 6 months. Here are the positions I'm aiming for:

Water Watcher-- Someone pays me to watch a body of water. In an official journal, I'll record all pirate sightings, sea monster encounters, bass gas, fin spottings, drift wood counts, oil rig changes, etc.

Breast Watcher -- Someone pays me to watch a bunch of breasts. In an official journal, I'll record all jiggles, nipple slips, areola flubs, bra textures, silicone sightings, tit-bits, etc.

Important Button Pusher -- Someone pays me to press big, red, shiny buttons all day while rock music plays.

Thrower of Styrofoam Bricks at Toddlers -- Someone pays me to throw styrofoam bricks at toddlers (sounds fun).

Virgin Supermodel Gigolo -- Virgin Supermodels pay me for top-shelf romance, sexual feelings, etc.

Those are my Top 5. Can anyone help me with this? I'm a hard worker with a positive attitude. I have a firm handshake and am rarely late. My hair smells like vanilla and my chest hair is minimal. Please hire me.


Melissa said...

My uncle has a fish tank on his ranch that needs watching. Send me your resume and I'll pass it along.

Ajax said...

This approach to job-hunting is the only way to ensure a rewarding work experience.

Christine said...

Mmm Vanilla.

I wouldn't go for the breast watch job. Think about all of the boobies out there. You could get whiplash. That said, I'll give you $10 to come and throw Styrofoam stuff at my kids. Bring some poison cereal with you.

starlet said...

also if you looked at boobies at work all day you may accidentally get tired of them.

Conti said...


House of Suz said...

I'll give you five bucks to throw a real brick at a toddler.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Boob watcher?! I want that job!

Lindsey said...

How about professional movie watcher??? That would be Awesome!

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Homeperm said...

styrofoam at toddlers = genius idea. also my new career ambition. i've thrown swiss balls at them before, and they love it, but styrofoam is the gold standard now that i know about it.

kermit said...

well this probably isn't in houston, and it wasn't on your list, but (most of) you may like it just the same

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