1.08.2007

Chemicals, City

Today there was a chemical spill in Sugar Land. One of those big 18-wheelers opened up and a huge chemical cloud formed over my great city. I could feel the chemicals in my throat, and new it was up to me to save the city.

The news warned that people should stay inside. But I'm not people. I'm Michael Conti. I did the first thing that came to find. The action that I find most productive when something chaotic is taking place. I got in my car and drove as fast as possible. I drove immediately to the chemical cloud. There I rolled down my window and started shouting loudly. I got out my pistol, and started shooting at the chemical cloud.

The funny thing is, this cloud looked like a normal run-of-the-mill cloud. The type of cloud that you point at and smile while it covers the sun. The type of cloud a pair of lovers could gaze at. I had to remind myself that this cloud had deadly chemicals in it. That this cloud was NOT like the others. This was a death cloud. Would this be MY death cloud?

Not if my gun had anything to say about it. So I drove in circles, shooting and yelling at this cloud. This wasn't my first run-in with a chemical cloud. Everyone in the region remembers the Mexican Haze of 1999. No one could ride buses, practice football, jog outdoors, etc. That would not happen again.

After about an hour of battle, the cloud sundered. I was victorious, and children waved at me. A senior citizen gave me a kiss on the cheek and a bald man gave me a rose. I'd tell you more but the chemicals gave me a headache.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

that cloud was so pretty.
just floating along Dulles all carefree 'n shit.
sure, it took me about 15 minutes to figure out which of the clouds was the one filled with chemicals that wanted to kill me, but when i did, damn.
that was one pretty cloud.

Christine said...

I heard about this today. The clouds said you used a Cannon. Those crazy clouds always making up stories.

hans q. bungle said...

damn you're good conti

Anonymous said...

I miss the mexican haze....it was special

House of Suz said...

Terrorist alert! Gas fumes in NY, chemical spill in Houston, mysterious group of dead birds in Austin, rain yet again in Portland. I tell you, it's terrorists.

Melissa said...

Yes, I think the dead birds along Congress is a lot more interesting than your supposed "poison" cloud. I don't think that even made CNN. Proof, once again, that Austin is better than Houston/Sugar Land. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

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http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1679592956

Tim said...

I've come up with a theory: The bullets traveled through the chemical cloud, flew hundreds of miles through the air and each bullet hit a bird in Austin. Case closed.

Conti said...

haha i like that theory, Tim.

pbdotc said...

i'm glad you shot that fucking cloud

Variant E said...

I hope you at least had the decency to arm the cloud equally and that you slapped the cloud with your gloves, then at dawn took three steps each and fired away. It's the gentleman's way of course!

Jen said...

I got your message the other day - sorry I have been such a bad "caller-backer." I'm so glad you are back in our great city. Your message made me LOL at work, and I can't wait to do more of that in person. We will grab some drinks soon!