Happy Spaghetti Day

Thanksgiving was awesome this year because I made it the entire day without some shithead saying "Happy Turkey Day!" to me. Fuck you. It's not called Turkey Day. Oh, I get it. You eat turkey on Thanksgiving. That's great. I eat turkey on days other than Thanksgiving, you know. Are you trying to be creative? Is that it? Is that why you're saying that? Please stop. Thanks.

This past Wednesday I went to Lake Charles, Lousiana, to gamble on a riverboat. Since I don't have a job anymore, I decided it would be a good idea to get rich at a casino. So Mookie, The Machine, and I made the 3 hour drive to LA to get rich. We even brought a few bags to carry money in.

Something happened, though, and we didn't get rich. We did eat many free casino dogs though. Also, I befriended an old chain-smoking Korean man who told me he played basketball like Kareem Abdul-Jabar. So it wasn't a total loss. Actually it was a ton of fun. That was my first time gambling in a casino, so I basically learned the ropes. I learned valuable lessons like:

-Slot machines are for chumps
-Most people who play poker don't know what they're doing
-In casino's, alcohol is free and delicious
-If I want to befriend a hobbit, I should sprinkle crackers on its stomach

I just decided that I'm going to use toast for warmth. The next time its cold out, I'm going to put a piece of bread in the toaster. I'll pop it before its cooked too long and starts to get hard. Then I'll wrap the toast around my penis. It's the equivocate of putting on a shirt after it gets out of the dryer. The only prob is I'll need to use a whole roll of french bread, a regular loaf won't be long enough. SEEE YA?


iamnot said...

Never send in a dinner roll to do a baguette's job...that's what I always say.

House of Suz said...

Watch out for crumbs from the toast, you don't want a hobbit on your dick.

Ajax said...

jobless jerkhole.

Starlet said...

You know what you need to do is get a SYSTEM and then once you have that you will always win at the casino. Thats what everyone here does in Vegas which is why we are all rich.

Also I would appreciate if from now on you refer to gambling as a sport.

elginroots said...


Christine said...

Do you use butter? Putting on a shirt after it gets out of the dryer is the best feeling ever!