Ode to Zhang

"Its fur was too thick."

ZHANG XINYAN, Chinese construction worker who drunkenly climbed into a panda's enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, tried to hug the creature, was bitten and then tried to bite the panda back.

Panda Bear Panda Bear, How are you?
I wanna see you, and meet you too!
You are so cute, with that furry little mug
Can I come closer, and have a hug?

I've been drinking, and I'm feeling woosy
When we hug, I might smell boozy
So please be kind, and hug me back
I won't be prepared for an oral attack!


Panda Bear Panda Bear, Why o why?
Your bite has injured me and my pride
You are mean and now I am bleeding
A furry warm hug was all I was needing

If only your fur wasn't so thick!
I'd bite you back, the pain would stick!
One day you'll get revenge from Zhang!
Oh well, at least you didn't bite my wang.


Melissa said...

He should have gotten a b-b gun and shot it in the face.

Ajax said...


elginroots said...

my favorite line is "chomp."

um is "wang" a double entendre because the dude is chinese?

um are you in chicago yet or what?

Variant E said...

Excellent. I think you should do a sequel about that guy that jumped into the cage of one of the big cats (can't remember which) and proclaimed that God would protect him. He was killed...

House of Suz said...

At least he could have bought the panda dinner before he tried to feel it up.

Anonymous said...

OU SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

emertron said...

Yeah, when are you coming to Chicago?

Starlet said...

ah natural selection at its finest.