I have 7 goals in life.
The first is to lick mustard off of a celebrity's face (for obvious sexual reasons).
The second is to get a perfect score on the SATs. Even though I graduated from college, I still fantasize about running to my mailbox, wildly ripping open the test results, and howling loudly on the lawn when I see the perfect score. Perhaps the community paper would run an article on me. "I just got a good night's sleep, ate a hearty breakfast, and did my best!," the genius told our reporter.
The third is for a celebrity to spray Febreze on my exposed ball sack (for obvious sexual reasons).
The fourth is to cross-breed an elephant and a puma. I often stare at an elephant at the zoo and wonder "what if this big fellow had hair?"
The fifth is to invent something called "The Liquid Library." I'm not sure what exactly a liquid library is, but I think it sounds cool.
The sixth is to attack the city of Santa Fe by hot-air balloon. I'll wear a fake moustache and a cape while I fly over the city, and shoot a bb gun at the terrified people below. I also plan on dropping a bucket of hot coals on the mayor of the city when I spot him with my binoculars.
The seventh is to eat my way out of a cage made of toast. Sounds fun.