9.07.2006

Gels and Candies

I had some time to burn at lunch today, so I stopped in a CVS Pharmacy to browse. Checked out the magazine rack first. J-Lo's pregnant. More like Whore-Lo. Easiest Way to Hard Abs! Swallow some rocks. 101 Ways to to Please Your Man. Don't buy ridic mags like this.

Next is the candy isle. Starbursts. Candy for sluts. Skittles. Candy for gays. Jolly Ranchers. Candy for old people. Twizzlers. Candy for boring people. Junior Mints. Candy for Lezbos. Gum. Candy for drunks.

Then I wondered over to the hair department, because I remembered I was out of hair gel. After a quick browse, I focused in on a product I haven't used before. It had a stylish bottle, inexpensive price, and said that it would give my hair that 'wet' look.

I picked up the bottle to inspect it closer. The bottle was blue, so I couldn't see the gel itself. I was curious about the gels consistency, smell, etc. So I squeezed.

I guess I have amazing hand strength, because the next thing I know a creamy white stream of gel was shooting directly at me. Insert Paris Hilton joke here. Anways, the stuff was all over me. It looked like I jacked off a horse.

For some reason I bought the shit anyways. I rather enjoyed the excitement.

That's all. I'm out.

15 comments:

the pants said...

sour patch watermelon slices: candy for blacks. i can't believe you let that one go.

e rootz said...

i have never seen an old person eat a jolly rancher.

man once i was smelling some conditioner and it shot up my nose. okay, once? more like three times. but over the years, not in one week.

erin said...

and the correct candy for old people is whoppers. WHOPPERS.

Tim said...

are you talkin shit about starbursts??

Variant E said...

I don't even want to know what Goobers would be for...

Starlet said...

Wait, what kind of hair gel is for gay people?

Softball Slut said...

HOOK EM HORNS

pbdotc said...

you didn't hear it from me but u might want to look into this little item re your pvs post.

Ajax said...

Oh man I haven't jacked off a horse in forever!

Thanks for the memories....

Christine said...

So umm what about tootsie rolls? Am I an elderly gay black man if I love them? Not that I do.

Melissa said...

I agree with Softball Slut. Your hair gel and candy story was boring. Thanks.

L'Austin Translation said...

Old people candy= Worther's Original or Reisens.

How about a post about cereal and the people that eat it?

All Bran/ Old Fashioned Oatmeal= the elderly

elginrootz said...

oh yeah i agree w/ the wurthers for the old people. also peppermints. it's weird that the oldies like the hard candy so much--they have the most at stake with their fragile teeth and what not.

oh yeah i like old people ice cream--butter pecan and pralines and cream. you could do one on ice cream. what is slut ice cream? bubble gum ice cream probably.

Conti said...

yeah you guys did a much better job with the candy than i did.

Anonymous said...

OLd people love some butter pecan ice cream !!