I want to create a television show called "Cooking with Conti." I'll be the star and will show easy-to-make dishes for the single working man. Basically, it'll a great platform for me to say weird things about carrots and drop some f bombs.
"Don't use too many carrots, or a bunny will hop to you and munch at your dish!"
"Make sure you cut those fuckers up."
"This may not taste good, but at least you'l be able to make it."
"Celery is the vegetable that looks like a penis holder, in case you forgot."
"They say carrots improve your eyesight, but I think Jesus is the only way to clear vision."
"Never cook with oil while naked. It could lead to burns in unusual places."
"Chorizo is a lot like hardcore porn. Dirty, but I just can't get enough!"
I'll film it in my kitchen and it'll look a lot like Todd's Time. I think I'll wear an apron though, but I'm not sure what it'll say. Maybe you could come up with something for me.
And of course, you know what my signature sign-off would be,
"These hot bologna rolls will make sure you don't lack a snack attack - SEEYA!"