Poison Cereal

I know kids. Fuck, I used to be one! That's how I know that kids love to act kewl and do crazy stuff. They like to act free and be dangerous. I want to invent something for them to enjoy. A kewl food that makes them act and feel kewl.

Poison Breakfast Cereal 4 Kids!!

Normally only spies and rats get poisoned. Kids LOVE spies and rats. They want to be just like them. Why not eat what they do? The cereal wouldn't actually be poison, it would just taste like it. It would look like little pills and taste chemically. Maybe the cereal would make the milk turn grey? Could we do that you guys?

I can just imagine this interaction on playgrounds across the country:

A kid is holding his stomach and looking unhappy but mysterious
Friend: "What's the matter, dude?"
Friend: "Awesome, man!"
Kid: "Give me a high-five!"
Friend: "You got it!"

Our slogan would be-- Kids SHOULDN'T eat this Poison Cereal. Kids LOVE doing stuff they SHOULDN'T do! They won't be able to stop eating the stuff!

I'd have a cartoon rat as the spokesperson. He'd have x's instead of eyeballs, and white foam coming out of his mouth. Haha fun! In the commercials he'd nibble on the cereal and then start to moan loudly.

And we'd put a toy of some kind in every box. Maybe Mr. Yuck stickers? Seeds to plant Poison Ivy? Fake-A-Seizure Kits?
There is a profit to be made here. Trust me - I know kids. Fuck, I used to be one!

Oh no Suzy, not again! Get your own poison!


Ajax said...


Christine said...

I like it! I'd feed it to my kids.

Conti said...

Very happy that its gotten the approval of 2 blogger parents.

emertron said...

If I had kids, I'd totally feed it to them. Especially if they were really bad.

House of Suz said...

Maybe even put a dead rat right in the box!

pbdotc said...

suzy's bowl cut is mint

ahmed said...

that was freakin hilarious. i used to always hold my stomach and moan a lot back in the day, i think it had was because of those little debbie snacks at chucks house

ahmed said...

excuse my grammer on previous, im from another country.

elginroots said...

mr. yuck stickers for sure

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