7.11.2006

What a Relief

I've decided what I want to do with my life.

I would like to urinate on magazines.

Next, I'll let these magazines dry out on the porch.

Then, I'll place these magazines in the waiting rooms of doctor's offices across the world.

Finally, I'll come home and laugh.


I've decided what I want to do with my life.

I would like to film my most magical scene.

The one where a Japanese business man is jumping on a trampoline, pointing at a dead hammerhead shark that lay beside him.

The Japanese business man would be wearing a business suit, of course.

After the shot, I'd pump my fist confidently.


I've decided what I want to do with my life.

I would like to become a professional Tetris player in the country of Russia.

I'd wear a gold jacket and protective gloves while I signed autographs for the Russian children.

Rarely would I blink in my tournaments. Stack, Stack, blink. Stack, Stack, blink. Sacrifice length for the Tetris. Always 3 pieces ahead.

A small tingle in my lower belly when I placed the straight piece for the perfect move.


I've decided what I want to do with my life.

I would like be a castaway on a Bohemian island.

Build sand castles, grow a beard, swim and tan, sleep in a quiet cave, etc.

Write a letter in a bottle and assume it reached my loved ones.

Get crazy from the sun and pretend like I'm an 8ft pirate.


I've decided what I want to do with my life.