6.27.2006

USA CELEBRATION

I wish I had a plan for the Fourth of July. I have a 4-day weekend, and don't know how I'm going to spend it. I'm thinking about driving to New Mexico, digging a 3 foot hole, and then urinating in that hole. I'm thinking about driving to Arkansas, digging a 4 foot hole, and then urinating in that hole. I'm thinking about driving to Kansas, digging a 7 foot hole, and then urinating in that hole. I'm thinking about driving to Arkansas, digging a 2 foot hole, and then placing my penis in the hole until I fall asleep under the moonlight. I'm thinking about driving to Florida, where I would try to steal a boat. I'd float around the marina without my shirt on for one hour before turning myself into the police. I'm thinking about driving to South Dakota, where I would go to a bar and speak gibberish to the oldest person I could find. I'm thinking about driving to Nevada, where I will wear cowboy boots and ask people at the mall where I can buy a poisonious snake. I'm thinking about driving to Maine, where I will cry as I try and stuff a live lobster in my mouth. I'm thinking about driving to Minnesota, where I will throw dry ice at Catholic priests. I'm thinking about driving to Montana, where I will watch television in a hotel lobby.

I'll need a haircut before I get on the road though.

20 comments:

Yessie said...

Good luck with all that. Take pictures.

ambs77 said...

No Iowa on the itinerary?

Figures. People always tend to forget about the Tall Corn State.

;-)

Ajax said...

Why don't you just move to Russia?

TinaPoPo said...

Not to mention a bikini wax. Yikes.

Rook said...

You should just drive to the Rook abode and get fucked up by the pool.

Melissa said...

How about you just stay in Austin and come barbeque with us? You can dig a whole in our backyard and urinate in it if you like. My dog will probably even join you.

Conti said...

I'll actually probably go to Houston for 2 days, then back to Austin for 2.

Conti said...

So yes, feed me Rook and Michelle.

emertron said...

No IL? Why no IL?

Melissa said...

I can't believe I misspelled hole. Nevermind, don't hang out with me. I'm stupid.

the pants said...

my sister works at a marina, and she doesn't wear her shirt there either! what a crazy coincidence, all these sexy maritime adventures!

the pants said...

(i don't have 4th of july plans either)

Starlet said...

you can't wear cowboy boots in Nevada. It's pretty much 120 degrees here so anything more than flip flops will make your feet swell.

Conti said...

Emertron- I emailed you back, duh. The girl I would stay with is coming back to TX over the break.

erin said...

girl you would stay with in IL? I AM NOT THE GIRL YOU WOULD STAY WITH IN IL??? that really hurts.

Justin said...

You're definitely an ideas man, Mike. I think that must be why you are employed and so popular with the ladies.

Teryn said...

If you would hypothetically travel to Minnesota or South Dakota, you would then also hypothetically have to let me know, and you could possibly hypothetically stop at the Dairy Queen where I am now employed. Sweet.

Conti said...

Y-Rod- I will take pics and put them on facebook for all to enjoy

ambs- I'm thinking Iowa in October (for the World Series/Field of Dreams)

ajax- actually my buddy Charlie is in Russia. He was on a date and they found a dead guy in the park. true story

tinapopo- and back wax

pants- whatever you do don't sea kayak over the 4th

it girl- isn't swollen feet half the fun?

erin- yeah I probably should have asked you, but I didn't want to be creepy.

justin- it seems like you always comment on posts where i mention that i need a haircut. wierd.

teryn- I will hypothetically let you know. I like how at DQ they turn the blizzard over to prove that it is a blizzard and not some shitty slipperly icecream. also, are you still a nanny?

ica said...

way to not think about chicago

ica said...

wait i thought i offered as well FUCK THIS