6.01.2006

Pontiac Potential

The license plates for the Grand Prix's came in today. It says TEXAS on it, and talks about how we are the lone star state. Actually, here is a picture of it:

I like how we summarize what our states are about through license plates. Texas is about cowboys and oil. Oh and rocket ships. Don't forget the rocket ship. If it weren't for Texas the USSR would still be dry-humping the moon. Fucking Russians almost got control of the moon, if it weren't for Texas.

All you other shitty states owe us for that, by the way. It's like, what did you do for the union, Illinois? Oh wow, Abraham Lincoln grew his beard in your state? That's seriously the best thing you could put on your license plate? The Land of Lincoln? That happened, what, 400 years ago? That guy couldn't even keep from being shot, and now his mug is on every single Buick in that odd-shaped state.

I guess Illinois is better than New Jersey though. The Garden State? That movie sucked. Seriously, what was that movie even about? Three hours of depressed people falling in love in a quiet manner. Then some wet yelling on a tracker. Neat movie, Zach-Attack.

And yes I know that the plate doesn't actually refer to the movie. But gardens are boring, no matter what. Only old people are proud of their gardens. "Look at my carrot patch, grandson." "Uh, I'm not a rabbit, grand-ma-ma." Besides, from what I see on MTV, there isn't a single beautiful thing in New Jersey. Only short people with bad accents. I'll bet that there are better gardens in Florida, or Arizona (old people centrals).

Also, these states need changes:

Michigan- Our State Looks Like A Glove

Maine- Many Lobsters Here

Rhode Island- So Small

Why do I even need a license plate? I mean I drive a Grand Prix. That's like having a golden ticket to America. I don't want to be identified. Only poor people and minorities should have to be identified. Come on! When I drive in the Prix, everyone knows its me because I'll be driving so fast while smoking a cigarette with the windows up. Also I'll never check my rear view mirror, because that's like looking in the past.

Grand Prix ya later, life-livers.

8 comments:

the pants said...

oh do washington next! or top mine: "washington: the catcher's mitt for robots"

Melissa said...

You could have used your Grand Prix to help us move this weekend. It would have been a lot faster. Thanks a lot.

erin said...

is there a tumbleweed on your liscence plate?

Ajax said...

There are certainly some lame-ass states in this here union!

Ajax said...

(Licentiously speaking)

nk said...

The license plates in the Northwest Territories are shaped like bears. Look here.

erin said...

dude i don't know what you're talking about that bear shaped shizz is awesome!

emertron said...

Hey I have one for Delawere.....


Delawhere??????

Ha ha! Get it?