Dino v Whale

I'd rather face off with a dinosaur than a whale. At least dinosaurs have teeth. Whales don't even have teeth, yet they still kill everything they see. With a dinosaur, at least I can justify that. In Heaven, while chatting with my best buds, I'd say: "Yeah a dinosaur got me. Got me with its teeth and just got me."

With a whale, I'd just talk about how a whale jumped on me, and the next thing I knew I was in Heaven. Probably St. Lucy would lol at me. In a nice way, but still.

Most animals are dangerous as shit. You've got to always remember that. Scientists need to figure that out. Why are animals dangerous as shit? They should be researching that, writing lab reports about that.

I found out animals were dangerous when I was 8 and a goat tried to chomp off my penis at a petting zoo.

Even small animals like birds. Birds love to peck on sensitive areas (skull, eyes, etc).

So anyways, I'm still bringing a gun to Canada. Maybe a sword too. Hey If I'm kayaking with a sword on board, does that make me a Viking? I'll even look like one, with me growing out my facial hair and all.

Damn- I'm a great blogger. Did you notice how I tied in my last few posts? With the whales and facial hair and everything? Shit, that shit is the shit. I'm the man.


el Bow said...

I found you a woman


erin said...

woah that girl is hilarious MIKE CONTI PLEASE CORRESPOND WITH HER!!!

Leslie said...

dude whales have teeth: http://www.kmnh.jp/check_e/006.html

Christine said...

I think you should come visit in the winter.


ica said...

did you read anything by jonathan safran foer/my hero or no

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work »