Purple Van Vent (PVV)

Go here and get furious with me.

My name is on some shithead building. Look at that building. Click on the link, you shitty reader. My fucking name is on an old building. That building looks like a place where poor people would hang out. Poor people just wandering around a building that has Conti on it. Why did they put my name on that shitfeast?

And look at those vans! Why are purple vans all over the parking lot? Those vans look old and purple. I've never seen a purple van before. No one sells purple vans. I'll bet some shithead bought white vans and then painted them purple.

Also the grass surrounding my building looks unnatural. I don't like that unnatural grass. That grass looks old. Someone needs to put chemicals on that grass.

I could easily see myself on top of that building, just yelling down at everyone as they get in their purple vans. I don't know what I'd yell, but I'd be furious.

I can't wait until I'm rich as shit and I just buy that company. And then I'd buy some rhino's from an African zoo, and have them ram the fuck out of that building. Just have these badass rhino's ram the fuck out of that shitty building. And actually now that I think about it I'd trade the purple vans for the rhino's.

I can't wait to make that phone call:

"Hey Africa, It's Mike Conti. Yeah, hey. Yeah, do you guys want to trade? I've got 6 or 7 purple vans, and I wanted to see if I could trade them for some rhinos. Mmm-hmm. Yeah, purple. Deal? Okay great, thanks. Oh Africa, I forgot to ask, can you throw in a hippo too? No, okay. No, its cool. I was just checking."

Then later these huge helicopters with rhinos dangling beneath them would land right near that building. And I'd cram huge bottles of tobbasco sauce up these rhino's assholes, just to get them really furious. Then in a few minutes of ramming, that building wouldn't exist anymore. And I'd give like a thumbs up sign to my crew. Or anyone who was in the area watching the rhinos. I'd also probably be wearing sunglasses.


Melissa said...

It looks like something out of Office Space. That's lame. On a different note, one hour and forty-five minutes until my week long vacation. Yay for me! I expect a high five when I get in town on Monday.

erin said...

you don't have to call me a shitty reader that really hurt my feelings.

Christine said...

I clicked for the Conti experience and was disappointed.

nk said...

I'd be furious, too.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

So...you're happy about seeing your name on the side of the building then? No? Hmmm...that wasn't really clear. Or maybe it's just purple & orange together that makes us angry.

Anonymous said...

can you please call them so hilarity can ensue.

and post the result

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ica said...

tabasco sauce man how about getting some elephants up in there?

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