after a football collision


One time I went grocery shopping with an injured pirate. This pirate had a head injury, an eye patch, curly hair, and a strong build. He needed my help buying soft foods. He couldn't eat hard food like gorditas or bell pepper pizza or chicken tenders.

"I can't eat apples, so I need to buy applesauce instead. It's soft, and won't affect my head injury."

This was obviously a lazy pirate.

"Why don't you make your own applesauce by just mushing up some apples and adding some sugar," I should have said.

But this WAS a riff-raff pirate, so I kept quiet and took him to the grocery store.

The store was busy, and many people glanced at the pirate's eyepatch and his bloody head injury. The pirate didn't notice the stares, though. He was busy purchasing mashed potatos, wheat breads, cream cheese, goat milk, and rice.

I could tell that the pirate wasn't thinking straight. His head injury was so severe. He didn't even get excited when we went through the seafood section.

"Hahaha look at these action figure dolls," he said as we past the cheap toy aisle that every grocery store has. "These are great. I'm going to buy these action figures for my friends. Hahaha, look at these things!"

Oh no. This poor pirate. He didn't know. He didn't know that the loss of head blood was affecting his thought. These dolls were NOT great. He was going to give these dolls to his fellow pirate mates as gifts, and they would make fun. They would make so much fun.


Tim said...

Injured pirates don't think sometimes.

fuzzymuffin said...

Same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago

el Bow said...

He was a victim to his own success. That poor pirate.

emertron said...

If I have a party, will you please bring your injured pirate?

explauren said...


ica said...

like you make your own applesauce

Anonymous said...

did you see the guy acting like a pirate on Deal/No Deal the other night?

Conti said...

I think I caught the very tail-end of it...didn't he win a ton of money?