If you don't have any friends, I have a reccommenddattion for you:

1. Purchase a copy of Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code.
2. Walk around.
3. Easily acquire friends.

People love that shit. I'm finally reading the book, and people are very excited for me. I've taken it with me to work, when I go to lunch, etc, so I can read a chapter here and there during the day. And boy, did I get popular.

"I read that book in 2 days! It's soooo good! You're gonna love it!"

"Oh, Da Vinci Code! You know they made it into a movie?"

"Say, is that DVC? Great! How far along are you?"

I'd get less attention if I wore a t-shirt made of $100 bills and tits.

Anyways the book IS good so far. But I'm convinced its just because Dan is trying to compensate for such a boring name. Why would you name your kid Dan if your last name is Brown? What shithead parents. If my last name were Brown, I'd name my kid Pussyplex or Trion or LoHonogram or something like that. Dan Brown? No wonder the book is so exciting. He feels like he has to be overly complex and exciting, because his name isn't.

It's kind of like what happens with short men. That's why dudes who are 5ft5 drive big trucks, lift weights, and try to start fights. Compensation, Napoleon, compensation.

Reading is fun and all, but I was going to get drunk tonite. Now I'm going to have to stay in all night and read about some albino. About some big Jesus mystery. Books, SHEESH! The next thing you know I'll wear glasses and drink coffee. And I'll probably vacuum my apartment every night while wearing women's pajama's. All beacause of reading, SHEESH!


Rook said...

Angels & Demons is probably better then Da Vinci code in my opion. An author named Steve Berry writes in a similar style and is good. Also, would you like to accompany me to see The Da Vinci Code Movie?

Melissa said...

Yeah, I prefer Angels & Demons also. There's a book called The Romanov Prophecy which is along the same lines, historical fiction. It's a good one. I've just lost all the cool points I've earned in the past year, haven't I?

Rook said...

I've read the Romanov Prophecy also, its good, its by Steve Berry. I'd recommend The Templar Legacy as well.

Tim said...

Did you get to the part yet where they say how Jesus was actually just a pirate with a head wound? I don't agree with that part.

the pants said...

i would actually recommend dan brown's lesser-known series, "memoirs of a misguided circus faggot and his word-of-the-day emails." the da vinci code isn't even the worst popular book anymore since that mincing pixie james frey started hogging the limelight with his poorly executed lies.

in all earnest seriousness though a book called "foucault's pendulum" by umberto eco is like every single one of those gay historical conspiracy books except it is way more creative AND it makes fun of all the plots in extremely witty terms. plus hot girls love umberto eco. it's true. he's italian!

ica said...

HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS: tell them you read the da vinci code in one day and you thought it was so-so.

suddenly i became a snob.

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