I am preparing for my vacation to Florida. I want to look my best for the hot beach bikini babes.

So last night I bought a pair of jeans shorts and a tie dyed shirt that says "Party Animal!" with the Tazmanian Devil underneath it. I'm going to bring my pair of aquasocks as well. That's going to be my beach outfit. I may also wear my hat with the extra long bill.

I may also get a tattoo in Florida. This is because I want to let these bikini babes know that I am a rough man who may be a cute Johnny B. Bad. The tougher the tattoo the better. The tougher the tattoo the hotter the beach babe. Here are a few of my ideas for a tattoo:

-Hulk Hulgan bleeding from the eyes while shooting a gun

-a boat full of toddlers having engine problems while sharks circle it

-a black man lifting weights

-a sword with the words 'Oh really?' written on the blade with blood

Probably babes will want me to talk with them in Florida. All Florida babes want a handsome Texan to be around them to notice their mascara. I don't really want to buy any beach babes a drink, though. That's really not my job, because I'm very entertaining.

I haven't really set any goals for this vacation. Maybe I should. They are:

1. Drunk dial Disney World

Actually all I have is that 1 so far.

I will be going with 3 friends: Mookie, Chuck, and The Reez. I'll tell you their playa profiles soon.


ica said...


get the sword w/ the "OH REALLY?" written on it.

Melissa said...

Can you buy me a cool hemp necklace while your down there? Preferably with pink beads? Thanks!

Mike said...

But I thought women already adore you.

Ajax said...

Go get 'em, tiger!

I believe the official of beach babes to tatoos is 3/5.

Will the tatoo heal in time for your trip? Or, a broader question, do chicks dig scabs?

Also, grow a moustache already. What are you waiting for?

Sean said...

wear a speedo on the beach. girls love a guy in a speedo.

Christine said...

Don't forget to bring your fanny pack and fluorescent sun block!

TinaPoPo said...

Get a tattoo of a shark and make the girls call you "Sharky." When they ask you why your nickname is Sharky, get a far off look in your eye and turn toward the ocean. Girls love a mysterious guy with a shark tattoo.

brianna said...

i'm so jealous. of all your tattoo ideas, not cuz you're going to FL.

Tim said...

You should get your tattoo at Miami Ink so you can be on tv. Chick love guys who get tattoos on tv.

Rook said...

svelt: Slender or graceful in figure or outline; slim.

Conti said...

haha thanks Rook

erin said...

i would totally be all over the sword tattoo. also maybe in the sword you should be able to see the reflection of an awestruck hot bikini babe. you know. so girls will see it and subconsciously think 'ooh that could be me.'

emertron said...

odeargod, I totally want to drunk dial Disney Land!!!!!

Melissa said...

Here's my idea, and I'm just throwing this out there, how about you get a tattoo WITH a Tazmanian Devil, waving in the air, saying "See yaaa!"? I think that would be awesome and I believe that you should trust my judgement because, well, I just think you should. And I like your hairline.

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