2.07.2006

A Post on A Blog

Everyone needs goals. Mine:

-Make out with a Katrina victim someplace near the Houston Astrodome
-Eat nothing but toast for an entire week
-Steal money from a celebrity
-Write a book entitled "Num Lock, Caps Lock, Scroll Lock - Say, What's the Big Idea?"
-Jump naked across the mouth of an active volcano

This weekend was great. I went to Houston and enjoyed everyone there. I saw a big truck and I envisioned drugs inside. I told everyone around me that this truck was full of drugs and that we needed to find the owner of the truck and citizen arrest him. Unfortunately the only people listening to me were short people in leather jackets who didn't recognize the urgency in my voice. Then on Sunday I watched the Super Bowl alone while eating pigs sausage.

I like being alone because I get to use my brain. Like when I was alone the other day I was thinking about how I'm not much of a snout guy. And I'm not too high on noses. I like beaks. Beaks are really great, when you think about them hard enough.

Also I think I'm going to whiten my teeth soon, using teeth bleach. I want my smile to be clean, healthy, and obnoxious. When I smile near the polar ice caps I want them to melt and for the world to flood. I'd probably befriend some penguins when I was there at the ice caps.

I just had this really funny thought about a bunch of penguins wobbling around near a missile. I don't think anyone has ever combined penguins and missles until now. Score one for me, again.

That's a really good thought. It's not as good as the best idea I've ever had though. That idea is so good its scary. I can't tell you what it is but it involves an Asian businessman and a trampoline. And a dead hammerhead shark.

My mind is my favorite.

9 comments:

Ajax said...

LOLZ! (Laugh out loud at a zoo)

Check out some reviews of this blogg post:

"A return to form" - Carl Sandburg, National Science Foundation

"Three cheers for Mike 'Moustachio' Conti for redefining the word blogg again." - William Strunk, Stylist to the Stars

"Moustachio? Excelsio!" - Some italian guy.

Hey check out my vegetable reviews website. Every day I try a "new" vegetable and write a review on it. Maybe you will like it.

Today's special? winter squash.

emertron said...

Will you send me a signed copy of "Num Lock, Caps Lock, Scroll Lock - Say, What's the Big Idea?"
once it's finished? If so, I'll send you my book once it's done. It's called 'Did I ever tell you about the time I accidentally smoked PCP?' or 'Farting my way through life'. Autobiographical, of course.

Melissa said...

I'm more of an aardvark person, myself.

erin said...

emily i can coauthor that book with you if you want. the 'hey i smoked pcp on accident what the fuck' one.

mike conti you should come to chicago on saturday for my vd party. OR you could email me your adress so i can send you a valentine.

Steph said...

Oooo I love me some white ass teeth. Like when Ross from friends got his teeth bleached and when he turned off the lights they glow. Ya, like THAT white.

p.s. DOn't be mad, I stole your SEEE YAAA as my title this afternoon. peace.

Sean said...

Wrong. Penguins and Missles have been combined before. See episode # 51 and #52 respectively of Batman. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

ica said...

i think you got funnier mike conti. score another one for mike conti...hip hip hoooray!

ica said...

ps although i never mention it on my blog, in real life i am constantly obsessed with the idea of citizens arrest and i want to do it soon.

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