2.08.2006

6 DAYS TILL VDAY!

My last post failed. I haven't found my special someone yet. But winners don't quit!!! ! !


http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/132286005.html


Responses--


From wow:

Rofl! I hope you're not serious. You should really get that checked out!


From JC:

Maybe the capillaries in your nose are thin or weak, so when your heart beats fast and your blood pumps hard, it breaks the capillaries.Try breathing slower around pretty girls?Oh, and I have huge boobs. Can't meet me. You'll bleed to death.

My response to JC:

Thank you very much for your medically oriented response. My parents listen to heavy metal rock music. When I was a young child, I would headbang a few hours every day. I was a short toddler, and would repeatedly hit my face on the floor. I think this may have something to do with my problem.

It's a shame about your boobs. How big are we looking at? Do you have any oversized flanel shirts that make them look small? Would you be willing to get a breast reduction before we met?

JC responds:

I'm going to go now...you're pretty weird


From Shizue:

You made me laugh hysterically, and I really needed it. Thank you sooo much. :)


From kit:

holy shit, was your ad completely true?


From margaret:

hey, your craigslist post is hilarious. i love the originality. at least, i hope that is originality and not a real disorder. i'm a little scared of spontaneously bleeding noses, but i could learn to cope. maybe we could meet for cofee sometime before (or after) valentine's day for a less stressful date and to prevent gushing (eek).


From Esther:

That has to be one of the funniest ads I've seen in a while! Too bad our ages are so far apart (I'm 45) or I'd try to go out with you just to meet you in person. I'm everything you don't want. Generously endowed, but not huge (38C) and I'm short, 5'2". I'm a real fun person to hang with, but again, our ages don't jive. That may be a hurdle for you.My intent here was just to commend you on your hysterical ad. Kudos!

32 comments:

erin said...

i don't have huge mashed up boobs otherwise i would be so there. halfsies on rum and russell stover with mike conti?? hell yes.

Ajax said...

Does "krunk" mean "krazy drunk"? I hope so.


Hey check out my confused by modern lingo website if you get a chance. It's all about being confused by words that are used by people who are younger than me.

For example, one time I tried to say "steez", and my compatriot said GOD BLESS YOU.

emertron said...

Do you have any blood-borne diseases? If not, I see absolutely no reason that you shouldn't get 3 million responses.

ica said...

that's great

el Bow said...

They slappers will be lining up.

brianna said...

i am a small-boobed woman. and, i make a mean tourniquet.

Christine said...

Sweet!

Tim said...

JC may as well have punched you sqaure in the nose.

Sean said...

you have to meet margaret. When was the last time you met an ugly margaret? don't answer that.

brianna said...

heeeey, it's looking up for ya. 5 more days, you can do eeet!!

RitMeyer said...

Love is coming your way, I can feel it. Or that could be a sinus infection coming. Either way, something is coming for you. Maybe it's a mugger?

el Bow said...

if the margaret girl had started the email at "i'm a little scared..." and left out the first bit, I would say give her a chance. But as it is, nope.

Conti said...

Girls are really weird and gross.

Conti said...

Why would anyone respond to this ad?

Ajax said...

Kudos to you. Kudos.

Rook said...

Dude, give up on the craigslist. Instead go downtown with Segall and I and we can pick up low self esteemed lonely chicks. It'll be awesome, just dont bleed everywhere.

Conti said...

Oh Rook, you mean like every weekend?

margaret said...

wow, it is a little bizarre to find my email on your blog

emertron said...

For reals when I posted a joke post on Craigslist & required that the guys write a book report about Candide I got an enormous response & like 10 book reports. It was awesome. I felt like an asshole for not responding to any of them.

ica said...

MEET MARGARET, MEET MARGARET!

Rook said...

Yes, similar to every weekend, except that it will be a Tuesday and it will be Vday so chicks will be even more depressed about themselves than normal.

nk said...

Third time's a charm. I say you try another time. Just be true to yourself, dood.

fuzzymuffin said...

Meet Esther!!! She's so just waiting for you to reply "age doesn't matter, my darling! Only mashed up boobs" Go for it!

Sean said...

Her name is Esther and she's 45. Weird.

Conti said...

Esther included a picture and:

yikes

fuzzymuffin said...

Poor woman, she's willing to look past the fact that blood "gushes" from you face on a regular basis and you won't even give her a chance?!

P.S. Can we see the picture? I want to know what someone who says "our ages don't jive" looks like

Conti said...

I used my work email for this posting so I had to delete all emails (and her pic) right away. Just imagine Shrek's grandmother. It was along those lines.

el Bow said...

You're so shallow. Beauty is on the inside. Plus, ugly chicks are more grateful so they'll work harder.

Steph said...

Dude, I nominated you for "best of" Nice work.

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