I am sorry I haven't been blogging very much lately, loyal readers and stalkers of Conti. You'll have to excuse me. I have been spending majority of my days creating, founding, and establishing the HTDS. For those of you who haven't read the press release:
Helping Tired Dolphins Society
Every year, thousands of dolphins swim long distances across our oceans, lakes, and bays. They swim for days to find food, warm water, and shark-safe water communities.
Just like us humans, dolphins lose strength and energy from hard physical work. THIS IS CALLED "FATIGUE" OR "BEING VERY TIRED". Dolphins who swim for more than 8 hours lose focus on swimming and are prone to accident.
And a tired dolphin is a dangerous dolphin.
Last month tragedy struck the Pacific Ocean when a tired dolphin (on a business trip from the Gulf of Mexico) accidently swam into a pregnant seahorse. The tired dolphins jagged snout pierced the seahorse directly in the belly, with horrifying results. Both mother and child were killed.
Afterwards the tired dolphin confessed that he had been swimming without break all day. He was tired, frustrated, and his eyesight was blurry when the accident took place.
There have also been over two dozen reports of tired dolphins swimming into waverunners and ski boats, literally causing hundreds of dollars worth of damage to the water vehicles.
This is why I, MICHAEL CONTI MAN OF ACTION, have founded HTDS.
At HTDS, the goal is simple: stop tired dolphins from danger swims. I have hired a staff of obese scientists to solve this problem. (I hire obese scientiest because they normally don't have girlfriends and spend more time on the project. They are also more trustworthy.) After brainstorming and snack breaks, this is what our plan is:
Build underwater comfort caves (with soft cots and seaweed pillows) in high traffic dolphin traveling zones. A traveling dolphin can stop to nap on a cot to relax himself. This will refresh the dolphin and KEEP HIM FROM A TIRED AND TERRIBLE ACCIDENT.
The service will be free for all dolphins. Although sand dollar donations will be accepted, most of the funding will be provided by readers like you!
So please, leave your financial commitment in the comment section. We're also looking for volunteers, snacks for the scientists, seaweed pillows, etc.
Please...help a tired dolphin today!