12.13.2005

Luby Lines

Fun things to say aloud when you are eating dinner alone in a crowded Luby's:


"Injury! Oh did you see that! That American Indian made an unsuccessful scalp! Get that white man a towel and some bandages!"

"Hey Everybody! My invisible girlfriend doesn't want her mac and cheese. Any takers?"

"Um I didn't want any old people sitting at that table. It's hard for me to eat when they're around."

"Yummy. This is yummy. This is too yummy." (while pretending to cry heavily)

(to table closest to you) "Psst...Psst...Luby's rhymes with boobies." (and then giggle wide-eyed)

"You are my only friend, Mr. Salisbury Steak, but I have to eat you now. I have low blood sugar and if I don't eat you, I will die. So its me or you, Mrs. Salisbury Steak. And I choose me."

(in buffet line) "Compliments to the chef. The jello is exceptionally colorful tonite. Vibrant! Truly vibrant! Please let the chef know. Please let him know what I'm telling you."

"I'm pretending like I'm eating a dinosaur that died because he was sad. I'm sorry you were so sad dinosaur, but I eat your meat with a smile."

"This ham smells like a pregnant horse but I'm going to eat it anyways."

10 comments:

Conti said...

http://wiswrp.pregfur.org/forum/files/pregnant_horse.jpg

emertron said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Luby's & boobies. That's a good one.

Alekx said...

The ham isn't ham it's actually spam which the asians down the street made out of the neighborhood dogs.

By the way those Asians are my in-laws so I know this is a fact cuz they make deliveries to the Luby's at noon every day

TinaPoPo said...

It's good to know that if you and Mr. Salisbury Steak were teammates on a soccer team whose plane unforunately crashed in the Andes, you could eat him. That's good.

Sean said...

Wait, did you eat Mr. or Mrs.??

So you say one of them is still out there? Do you have a phone number or email address?

Melissa said...

You regulary eat at Luby's, don't you? You get hotter with every passing day.

The Prose~cuter said...

I concur with Melissa.

If I could have any gift in this world, it would be for Mike Conti to accompany me to Luby's, and to make each of the remarks in this post.

How should I go about procuring this gift?? I don't think Santa knows you...

Ajax said...

Good jokes, Mike. They made me laugh, as usual.

Queen Of Pink said...

We used to love freaking the oldies at Luby's. Especially if you flirt with them and show 'em boobs. They like it, until their heart rate goes up too much and then they have to call a damn ambulance.

Getting old must suck. Great blog, by the way...

Steph said...

GREAT one liners....and first impressions....