Holy shit it's about 14 degrees outside. It's cold and my car is now technically an igloo. It's taken me half an hour to type those 2 sentences because my fingers are frozen stiff. If its this cold in Texas I can't imagine how cold it is in your dopey state. Your state sucks. How can you stand this more than 2 days?
Right now I wish I were Frodo. That would be so badass to be heading to that awesome and hot volcano. Even if orc were following me I'd be warm and running around. I wouldn't whine like Frodo though. WAAAAAAA I wish the ring never came to me. WAAAAAAA. Right now walking near hot lava with my best bud Sam sounds awesome. Better than sitting here in a sweater, typing on this shitty website.
Should I urinate on myself? Isn't that supposed to help warm me up? I don't know how to handle cold weather man. Do I boil milk and rub it on my joints?
I'm going to try and microwave my feet. Put my penis in the toaster oven. Boil my hands. Light my back hair on fire.