12.08.2005

Being Cold

Holy shit it's about 14 degrees outside. It's cold and my car is now technically an igloo. It's taken me half an hour to type those 2 sentences because my fingers are frozen stiff. If its this cold in Texas I can't imagine how cold it is in your dopey state. Your state sucks. How can you stand this more than 2 days?

Right now I wish I were Frodo. That would be so badass to be heading to that awesome and hot volcano. Even if orc were following me I'd be warm and running around. I wouldn't whine like Frodo though. WAAAAAAA I wish the ring never came to me. WAAAAAAA. Right now walking near hot lava with my best bud Sam sounds awesome. Better than sitting here in a sweater, typing on this shitty website.

Should I urinate on myself? Isn't that supposed to help warm me up? I don't know how to handle cold weather man. Do I boil milk and rub it on my joints?

I'm going to try and microwave my feet. Put my penis in the toaster oven. Boil my hands. Light my back hair on fire.

16 comments:

emertron said...

Hot chocolate & peppermint schnapps. Secret to winter success.

p.s. don't move to chicago, you will likely die.

Tim said...

Frodo? Which of your dvd's is he from? Is he Napoleon's friend?

el Bow said...

Ha Ha, your state is shit.

I work with a psychiatrist who uses the peeing on yourself analogy with patients who self harm.

Peeing on ourself only makes you warmer for a little while but ultimately makes things worse.

el

p.s. enjoy your shitty state

emertron said...

el, that is an awesome analogy.

Mike said...

That ananlogy assumes that the feeling of warm urine on your body is, at a basic level, appealing.

el Bow said...

Mike: trust me, it is.

Ajax said...

Ha, that's funny, my penis is cold too.

Melissa said...

It's really cold in Houston too which is pissing me off because everyone told me that it doesn't get cold here. I wish it were icing over like in Austin though, maybe I wouldn't have to come in.

el Bow said...

ajax, remove the elastic band.

explauren said...

umm yeah... sucksicles EVERYWHERE.

ica said...

Yeah it's 8 here so I don't feel sympathy for you at all.

ica said...

Oh here's a tip: BUY A COAT.

The Prose~cuter said...

I ask myself about this shitty place every day. It's not even a state, though, which just makes the matter worse.

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