Is it? Is it really? IT IS. IT IS TUESDAY AFTERNOON.
Today I ate a jam sandwich alone. My girlfriend (the one I held hands with at my wedding) took Kid #1 and Kid #2 to grandma's. "Goodbye you's two," I said. "Have fun drinking gin and playing drunken bingo with Granny." GRANDMA DANGER TIME.
Should I drink gin with my jam sandwich? Milk doesn't feel cool. Teenage Japanese girls don't sneak sips of milk when the bus driver isn't looking. MILK IS OUT. I don't want my moustache to smell like gin. I need moustache odor guards.
$15.99 FOR A PACK OF 3 AT WALMART
I drove to Walmart in a car. My car. When I walked up to the store the doors opened automatically. NO DOOR TOUCHING.
You'll never guess who was greeting customers and pasing out shopping carts when I got inside.
"Aren't you Captain Kangaroo?"
"Oh. Hey Ajax. Need a cart?"
"No, I'm only here to buy moustache odor guards."
"Oh weird. Hey where are those kids of yours?"
"At Grandma's drinking gin and playing drunken bingo."
"Oh weird. The odor guards are on Aisle 17. Thanks for shopping at Walmart."
(Today's MockMeat was brought to you by DJ Dan and Radio Moustachio)