People want me
People need me
Well I smell nice
And I get all the guys going
I'm expensive though, so expect to spend a lot on me
I'm on every corner until you take me with you
Conti wishes he could drink a tall glass of me
What am I?
(A Pink Hint: I'm Gasoline)
After work yesterday I felt lifedrunk and didn't feel like going home.
I drove to Barnes+Noble with the intent to hit on cute employees who have to work there because they have a degree in English.
"Where exactly is the Hot Sex section? I've looked all over but all I can find are these dog-of-the-month calendars, even though its September. No but seriously, you're hot. I like your black framed eye glasses and that employee ID thingie hanging around your neck. Let's go upstairs to the Starbucks, order some $12 coffee, and flip through magazines."
Unfortunately there were no lovely ladies, so I had to look at those paper things. I couldn't find any Garfield the Cat cartoon books, so I grabbed Catcher in the Rye and sat down. 2 pages in I was hooked. So even though I'm watching my carbs, I decided to buy it.
How come every time you check out at Barnes+Noble you get harassed like a criminal? No, I'm not going to give you my SS# and ruin my credit so I can get a B+N card and get a one-time 10% discount. That's only $1.40 you four-eyed fuck. Leave me alone and be happy I'm too lazy to go to the library.
I've been playing Minesweeper for about 10 years now, and NEVER, NOT ONCE, have I ever clicked on a mine on my first click. That's got to be some type of record.
I'm going to be rich soon and I'm going to open a restaurant called "Swashbucklers" where I go around in a pirates costume asking hot chicks if they have any fish sticks crammed up their vaginas.
Haha I really hope no one I know reads this blogg.