Let Me Classify My Love

I read a newspaper today and came across the Personals in the classified section. Pretty interesting stuff...a lot of people looking for love. Here goes mine:

23 WM, tall and handsome, likes
sports, fun times, + photography.
Looking for SWF who will play w/
my huge crank. I love to be cuddled
& receive affection from woman with
a crystal heart. No uneven nipples
or horse lovers. Ad#40582

That just beat out:

Stare into my beautiful brown eyes
and you'll see our future together.
23, charming, loving, honest seeking
hottietottie to be my sugarmommy.
Let's get Chinese food and hold hands
at a coffee shop. I want to be the arts
to your crafts. Ad#40583

Now lemme hear yours:


el Bow said...

You certainly wouldn't be single for long. Them birds love a 'huge crank'. A true romantic.

TinaPoPo said...

I hate horse lovers!

Beebers said...

let me guess - this is from the chronicle?

i remember reading the chronicle's gay classifieds in high school. no i'm not gay, but it was one of those entertaining things where you read it and went "ewww!" and shrieked with delight.

Leslie said...

hey how did you find my personal ad??

Ajax said...

MWM (Married White Moustache) seeks "magicians assistant" type ladyfriend to help type letters to the homeless.

the pants said...

um... define "uneven nipples"

emertron said...

26 year old obese ballerina seeks anyone.

ha ha ha! Arts to your crafts.

erin said...

i read a men seeking men one the other day. something about "if you want to get coffee first we can do that but if you want to just grab the lube and bend over we can do that too." uh...yeah.

bob said...

i guess the word "arts" wasnt really nessecery...

Adrian said...

Hey Conti,
You make me laugh. My S.O. knows that I read your blog religously, so one day he posted a comment from "Conti". I was so excited, then I realized it was a joke. I was sad, so I went to the gas station to purchase some gasoline for consumption, but it was too expensive, so I bought some beef jerky instead.

Owen said...

You are wise to specify only even nipples in your ad. So many relationships end horribly because they didn't know what they were getting into. And if there's one thing that'll kill the flame of love...it is uneven nipples.

Ajax said...

Did all the bloggers die?

ica said...

I prefer the hottietottie sugarmommy one.

Oh and maybe you should think of checking out ihatehorses.blogspot.com

Conti said...

el bow- thank you for complimenting my huge crank. But I will NOT show you

Adrian- Thank you! I'm glad you commented so now I can check out your blog! Good thinking to go to the gas station...have you ever tried homemade gasoline jerkey? That was my grandma's special. Also, I don't know what S.O. means.

Owen- I once made a babe get nipple surgery before I took her out on a first date.

Jessica- haha wow that site rocks. i'm going to share a horse-hating story there soon

Adrian said...

Homemade gasoline jerky must be a Texas thing.
The S.O. has commented on your blog in the past. The only hint that I will give you is "619". I believe those are the right numerals, but I could be wrong. Am I mysterious?

Conti said...

You're either mysterious or crazy. Either way I'm glad you read my blogg.

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