9.14.2005

Daydream

I just had this great idea as to how I can (eventually) drink pure gasoline.

You see I start with a glass of water. And I put a drop of gasoline in. Then I drink the glass. The next day I put two drops of gasoline in. Then I drink the glass. The next day I put three drops of gasoline in. Then I drink the glass. The next day I put 4 drops of gasoline in. Then I drink the glass. The next day I put 5 drops of gasoline in. Then I drink the glass. The next day I'm at 10% gasoline and 90% water. The next day I'm at 15% and 85%. The next day I'm at 17% and 83%. Then in like a month I'll be able to handle 50% water 50% gasoline. Then 51% gasoline and 49% water. Eventually I'll be at 75% gasoline and 25% water.

Then one day.

A glass of pure gasoline.

I can't wait for the day that when I'm thirsty I can just put a nozzle to my mouth and "pump n gulp." That's a term I just invented.

Also a good benefit to drinking pure gasoline is instead of going to a gas station to fill up your car you can just pee.

I'll probably celebrate that night and go clubbing. Can you imagine me with a rum+gas? Just dancing with a smile on my face? And these girls will be like "You smell like my dad's H2 Hummer. I like that smell." And I'll be making out with Erin and her teeth will smell like her past because she used to work at a gas station.

I don't know if it gets any better.

10 comments:

Rod Renegade said...

Thank you for your blog. No really. I'm not being sarcastic. Good luck with the gasoline thing... so far I think it's still cheaper than milk, not much so you'll be saving money.

Ajax said...

Great blog! Hey check me out when you get a chance, my blog is about lemur mutation.

Maybe it's not your cup of gasoline, but maybe!

emertron said...

Ha ha ha ha! Ajax, you're funny. Cup of gasoline. ha ha ha ha!

On the Chi front...milk is now less expensive than gasoline. You, my friend, may be starting up one expensive habit. Or maybe you're starting a trend & people will follow & drinking gas will be like a status symbol & everything.

The Pink Kitty said...

It does get better. If cars ran on alcohol like in that Simpsons episode!

TinaPoPo said...

Do you think you'll start with leaded or unleaded? Or go straight to diesel? These are the things you need to think about before embark on a gasoline drinking binge.

Tim said...

in order for this plan to work, you would need to have a supply of gas on hand. My bet is that you'd cave in and try to drink the full gasoline by the end of the 1st week.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, my advice is: start siphoning gasoline. It's almost as good as drinking it, plus, you get other people's gas ... free!

Oh! The vapor....

TinaPoPo said...

I really, truly LOVE the smell of gasoline. Only third to 1. the smell of fresh rubber (tires, not condoms) and 2. the smell of leather. Mmmmmm, if you have gasoline breath I might french you.

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