I took a bubble bath today.

Normally I clean my body by showering. But I was demoted.

It was a self-demotion really, but it was still embarassing.

I was demoted from showering because for the last 6 or 7 showers, I'd turn off the water and start to towel off before looking in the mirror and discovering that my hair was still covered in shampoo.

I'm not even joking, either. It's seriously happened the last 6 or 7 days.

And what's even more pathetic is I shaved my head about 2 weeks ago. I have very little hair right now. It'd be a different story if I had long beautiful hair like Jesus or Natalie Portman or something. It takes very little water to accomplish a proper rinse. I'm in quite a slump...Normally I'm a very good showerer.

So back to bathing for me. Simplify things until I get my mechanics back.

Taking a bubble bath is pretty gay. I put in bubbles, dimmed my bathroom lights, and listened to the Garden State soundtrack with my eyes closed. I was 2 scented candles away from my crank inverting. It was lovely though.

Straight guys do gay things all the time.

Once my old roommate Phil and I were eating fudgicles. "Let's pretend like its Tim Duncan's dick," he said to me, midlick.

Probably the gayest straight guy I know is Ahmed. Once about 15 people were over at my place watching a football game. A receiver made a great play, and Ahmed said aloud:
"I'd like to assfuck that player, right now." Normally you would think that was a joke but he was rubbing his chest and had a funny look on his face.

Even this real tough guy I know named Savisky acts gay once and a while. Once I caught him sitting in his truck smoking a cigarette listening to Enrique Iglesias - Escape as loud as his stereo would go. His cigarette dangled from his mouth as he sang along.

The only non-gay at all person I know is Dean The Machine. The Machine is a true man. I dare you to try and manhug The Machine. He'll give you the double-hammer. The Machine won't even put bait on another mans fishing hook. Jeez - He once killed an Asian guy because he didn't know who Brett Favre was.


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Yessie said...

Hey, I'm the first real comment!

Your blog makes me happy.

When I was younger I would forget what went on first. Shampoo or Conditioner? I really don't know why it was so hard for me to remember. I would have to yell and ask my sisters while I was in the shower. And somtimes I would think of the Pert Plus commercials that would say "Shampoo & Conditioner in one" and remember which one went first. What I'm trying to say is, good luck with that showering thing. I know it's tough sometimes.

Oh, and stop denying it. You will always be Leslie's Dr. Hermann in my heart.

the pants said...

the garden state soundtrskack!? that shit could make elton john fuck woemn. i should send you a proper indie mix that will give you a legitimatee boner.

gender is socially constructed anywayx blah blerhgh dkfkrrr.

Tim said...

Didn't Natalie Portman shave her head too?

Melissa said...

My friend used to wash her hair after she had washed the rest of her body and I always told her that was retarded because that meant that all the dirt from her hair would get her body dirty again. She never got it. Stupid beotch.

Ajax said...

Everyone is a little gay. For Dean to be 100% "not gay", he would not be able to bring himself to emstrubrate (man on man, see?).

princess tatas said...

One time I was in a rush and when my ride came I had an ear full of conditioner,... c ya

ahmed said...

well, it was a really good play. i think i really offended your dad though.

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