8.23.2005

A Very Special Day at the Red Lobster

I'm 23 and single. While I love the single life, I can't wait until I've met my special someone. Settling down and snuggling sounds like a real sweet treat.

You know how girls are really excited about their wedding day and start thinking about it at like 8? I'm the same way with proposing to my woman.

I have it all planned out...

(fade into dream sequence)

I'll take my lady to a really nice restaurant. I've considered Olive Garden, but I think Red Lobster is where I want to start a new life with my special someone. So I take my gal to the Red Lobster, and of course ask for a booth.

There we eat those cheese biscuits and look over the seabass specials.

Since I'm proposing I'll obviously have to get pretty drunk, so I'll be ordering shrimp martini's or vodka and seawater or whatever the hell speciality drinks they have at the Red Lobster.

I'll make jokes about how I like the Purple Lobster more than this place and other hilar jokes like that.

I'll probably try to reach across the table and try to grab my soon-to-be fiance in the boob.

When my gal goes to the bathroom I'll ask the assistant kitchen manager if I can drop the engagement ring in the lobster tank and have her fish it out after I ask. When I get denied I'll moan real loud and say 'That's gay'.

Then the moment will arrive...

(start harp music)

I'll say something like..."Baby...you know, I'm you know, a real special guy. And being great is a lot of tough work. I need someone who does the little things. You know? And we make a great team. A real neat team. And And we have been together. And I know that. And so maybe that should continue. And we could get a tax break. And you could wear a dress. We could rent a real nice dress. What I'm trying to say is it makes sense. And your parents could pay. Baby will you marry me?"

Then hopefully I'd have the Red Lobster employees gather around us and clap and give us a free appetizer.

How does that sound? Is my middle name Romance?

12 comments:

Ajax said...

Ha, that's almost exactly how I did it, except I shoved the ring down into the lobster, and instead of her chest I grabbed her prosthetic leg, and most of my humor was related to Melville's "Moby Dick", but otherwise, the same.

TinaPoPo said...

What girl could say no to such romance? Especially if you keep grabbing her boobs. I mean, don't just stop at one time, you know? We just love that.

princess tatas said...

At least you are planning it out... my ex just rolled over one night while we were at his Mother's house and said, So, do you want to be with me forever?
I would go for a boob grab and a lobster any day!
OK, popo is right, more than one boob grab would be way better and more convincing, a good boob grab anyway! :)
good luck in the search

Conti said...

What do girls like more: olives or lobsters?

Tim said...

dammit, why didn't I think of this 6 months ago!

Melissa said...

It's like you totally got in my head! That's the exact dream proposal I've always hoped for.

Conti said...

haha sorry tim i owe you one

emertron said...

Your story made me tear up & hope that someday, someone will think that long, hard & selflessly about how they're going to ask me.
Viva la romance.

the pants said...

oh baby. yes.

what kind of appetizer should we joyously demand?

Conti said...

I hear that crab cakes are an aphrodeeziyak

ica said...

How sweet...

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