8.30.2005

Prisonbreak

I watched the Prisonbreak show on FOX NETWORKS yesterday. It was really a treat. This guy is trying to break out of the prison. Thats the show. Prisonbreak.

If I went to prison the first thing I would tell everyone is that I'm NOT GAY. I'd tell everyone I had a gf on the outside. I'd smile a lot and give the older white guys a good, firm handshake while introducing myself. Just like my dad taught me. Then I'd nod my head and give skilled, smooth high fives to the young black guys.

Since I don't smoke, I'd trade my cigarettes for friendship. "2 sticks to be my pal!" I'd say, enthusiastically. At lunch, I'd give my dessert to someone really hungry. "I'm watching my carbs...I want you to enjoy this neat treat," I'd say with a smile on my face.

I'd have solid defense while playing basketball in the courtyard. "I may have fouled you there T-Bone, I'm sorry about that" I'd say if I got too aggressive.

I'd make hilarious jokes like "Does anyone have a CELL phone I could use?" and "I like drinking at bars rather being then behind them!"

By this time all the prisoners would be really friendly with me and no one would try to stab me or get jealous if I did some type of special project for the warden.

At this point I'd begin to speak with the prison guards. "Man you really work out. I can see those muscles of yours are bigger than mine! Keep up the good work!" and "How are the kids?" and "Did you catch the big game last night? That's what thing I really dislike about prison...not being able to catch the big game."

I'd also use the prison library to my advantage. I'd check out copies of sales books like ZIG ZIGLER'S SECRETS OF CLOSING THE SALE by ZIG ZIGLER and HIRED GUN: YOU'RE #1, AND SOMEBODY HATES IT by ROBERT WORKMAN. At night I'd read these books and practice my techniques.

Then the day would arrive. PRISONBREAK.

"Hello Guard. It's good to talk to you today, sir. I just came from the warden's office. He wanted me to come talk to you. You see, my sister is a major motion picture star and she is debuting in a new movie today. The warden is allowing me to leave the prison to see the film, and then head straight back to the prison. And I was wondering what time would be better for you to let me out of the jail: 11am or 4pm today, sir?"

"What? I'm going to have to clear this with the warden. This doesn't sound right at all."

"Sir I just came from the warden. You see how friendly I am with everyone here...would I really fib with you? People do not like fibbers. Please trust me. These were his instructions. He specifically told me to ask you, because you are the best guard in the entire prison. He knew it wouldn't be a problem if you were to handle the situation. In fact he let me know that you are in line for a big promotion in the next few days. I wasn't supposed to say anything but I can't help it...Congratulations!"

"Really? Me?"

"Yes sir! Now what time would be better for you to let me out of the prison...11am or 4pm?"

"11am."

See? Did you see what I did there to allow my PRISONBREAK? I used sales techniques. I CLOSED THE DEAL (ABC). I assumed the deal and did NOT ALLOW HIM TO SAY NO.

That's not how the tv show turns out, I don't think. That prisonbreak is about running around and being sneaky. We'll see how it turns out for those guys.

19 comments:

Melissa said...

I doubt they'll be half as successful as you because we all know that a smile and a firm handshake is all you need to get what you want.

The Other Half said...

a pretty smile...and a firm handshake...that will get you anywhere you want..you do have a "pretty" smile, right? ;-)

TinaPoPo said...

As they say in Shawshank, get busy usin' sales techniques, or get busy dyin.'

Truer words were never spoken.

emertron said...

Dude. You'd get your ass so effin' pounded. They'd pound the smile off of your face.

Conti said...

pounded, emertron? The only way I'd get pounded is if the inmates and I are playing pogs and I have a slammer malfunction.

tina i aslo like the line in that movive..."easypeezyjapanesey"

wendi- yes i do. i had braces for many years, and i wear my retainer on a semiquasi basis

Anonymous said...

blog blog blog
all i do is blog

el Bow said...

You would tell people you're straight and then say "I'm watching my carbs"?

Conti said...

el bow- haha good point

anonymous- whine whine whine
all you do is whine

bob said...

prisonbreak..is piece of cake..

...but what isn't..finding a good place to hide

Phil said...

haha, doing special projects with the warden is really helpful if you want to esacape from prison. Remember in Shawkshank how the guy shined shoes for the warden and then stole them. You CANNOT escape prison without shiny shoes.

You don't seem like much of an arts and crafts guy, but I could easily see you using your sales techniques and convincing the warden to let you design a custom grenade for prison bars, a knapsack with 7 days of escape rations, and a duplicate of the wardens car keys. "Hey everybody, I still remember how to drive!!"

Christine said...

I believe in you!! YOu can do anything, Conti!! You're incredible! The incredible Conti, that's what you are! ;)

ica said...

Been watchin jail movies lately?

plasticdoc said...

Hi:, Just came across your blog. Intersting post and good looking site. I'm definitely going to visit again! I recently set up a new website just about San Diego dentists There are a lot of interesting dental articles. We will also feature Tijuana dentists If you have the time, please stop by and let us know how we can improve the site. Bob

Hoodia said...

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

doer said...

Hello, you blog is funny and informative. I have a website about improving your adult sex life. Please visit if you want to enjoy sex more in a proper way.

Anonymous said...

world submitter

Anonymous said...

Bloggs are such a wonderful way to plublish ones thoughts. Thanks for letting me visit and leave a comment. Love the theme of your blog Come by my site some time. It's got semen volume advice related stuff.

Anonymous said...

You blog sure gets quite a few comments. I'm going to read thru your posts and see why you are generating so much interest. Bye. Ms. San Diego dentists

Anonymous said...

Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! » » »