A Pretty Gay

If f33ls lik3 I hav3n't blogg3d in 67 days!

3's substitute for E's in the zany world of melting man!

What did that mean?

Don't man, Don't.

Anyways I played basketball yesterday and yakka yakka yadda yadda yucca yucca who cares?

This isn't an online journal. This is an olive journal.


I dont know man, I don't feel like blogging for real right now.

This isn't good enough though, is it?

Ok Well - I guess I'll give you a little bit:

When a babe has a smelly vagina that is pretty much terrible.
Old friends can't be new friends when you don't have their updated email address.
VH1 should have a show called "Update My Sedan" to compete with MTV's "Pimp My Ride".
I'm a Capricorn, man.
I want to own a restaurant and serve breakfast nachos: Scrambled eggs, salsa, cheese, refried beans...all on tostado chips.
When I was in 7th grade I would stand around in the rain and say aloud: "It's raining. Why am I getting wet? I can't believe it!" because I thought it was funny.

Man Man.

Ollie was from New Mexico. He flew around in a hot air balloon. Ollie was always trying to land but the hot air balloon wouldn't allow it. He would wave and cry for help. People on the ground thought he was waving in happiness and being friendly.

I don't know. You finish the story.

I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!


Melissa said...

You're a special kind of odd, Conti :)

Ajax said...

You are never going to get laid until you start blogging more.

Conti said...

Getting laid getting smaid.

emertron said...

So Ollie kept in his attempt to get the ground-dwellers attention but continued to have no luck. People just kept waving back, smiling at what they thought a friendly man floating through the air. Ollie became depressed and debated jumping out of the balloon but something held him in. The love for his pet baboon, Golly. Which is why he wanted down in the first place, to feed & nurture Golly. So Ollie began yelling out of the balloon so that maybe someone on the ground would understand and stop their incessant waving to pull his line in. He yelled, "I must feed Golly. Please someone pull me down so that I can go home to my pet baboon." But all that the people on the ground understood was, "I'm in deed jolly. Pleasant sun pulses down so phat. Why can a genome not palindrome." They thought it a bit strange, since Ollie was not a chemist & was 72 years old & probably didn't know about the fat/phat homonym but knew that he studied zoology & chalked it up to his tendencies toward the sciences, Mtv & the lack of oxygen way up there.
One day, Ollie had curled up in his hot air balloon basket, worn out, frustrated, irritated & down right famished. He'd only a limited reserve of the dehydrated astronaut food that he brought with & quite honestly, he was getting damn sick of chalky neopolitan ice cream. Smoothly sailing through the air Ollie felt a sharp pain in his left thigh & looked down to find a harpooning-type device slightly embedded into his leg. Though this was quite painful, he couldn't help but rejoice at the fact that he might now have a way back to the ground. And that he did. One of the many people who followed him around mentioned that he hadn't seen Ollie's head in quite some time & felt through his energies that something might be wrong. This particular follower had studied with Ram Dass, acquiring the ability to be in touch with more psychic energies.
Chuck, the identifyer of something wrong, launched a large arrow with a string attached at the balloon, struck and began reeling in the balloon. Ollie recognized this sensation & stayed tucked down as to not get thrown out of the balloon while it was being pulled in. At the end of his descent, Ollie jumped (or at least jumped for a 72 year old) out of the basket to hug the stranger who saved him, quickly identified a ride home & took off to see his beloved Golly.
El fin.

ica said...

I'd be all over that "Update my sedan."

The Other Half said...

i'm glad you informed us that smelly vaginas were bad...i was still wondering on that one....eh hem

Owen said...

Update my Sedan is a brilliant idea. I feel empty only driving around a regular Honda...You can't be complete until you're driving a tricked out Honda.

Conti said...

Ollie- your story was very good except for when you say "getting damn sick of chalky neopolitan ice cream". No one gets sick of guddemn neopolitan ice cream.

wendi- yeah if you have any more vagina questions feel free to ask

owen + jessica - glad you like my idea. if you steal it i'll stab you.

owen- good to see you still exist! i was beginning to wonder!

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Conti said...

oh and by Ollie i meant Emerton - why doesnt your blog address come up when i click on your name, by the way?

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Conti said...




emertron said...

Conti- OF COURSE no one can get sick of neopolitan ice cream but have you ever had the Astronaut ice cream stuff? I totally ODed myself on it years ago around the same time I was listening to James "Laid" like everyday.

I do not have a blogger profile but guess I could change that.