Like I'm stretching it into a double

Last night was 6th street. Ryan and Taylor and Groves and MI kid and CA kid. $2 tequila shots and $1 rum and cokes. Loud music and 11 bars. Not knowing what time it is and making fun of someone as they text message their girlfriend. Showcased breasts and closing out tabs. Geled hair and small tips. Asking how school is going when you don't actually give a shit. Pabst Blue Ribbons and buttoned up shirts. You know...6th street.

At the end of the night we stumbled into the Orbitz Lounge. The bar was not very crowded. The dancefloor was all but empty.

For whatever reason, I start to slide. On the dancefloor. I kick out my legs and slide on the hardwood floor. On my 3rd slide I just stay in the sliding position and start to shake my legs violently. I was having a really having a good time sliding by myself.

The only other people on the dancefloor are 3 girls. They are smoking cigarettes and boob on boob slut dancing. Probably a lot of fun to watch. But I was busy.

After a pretty slick slide, I look up and see a hot chick.

"You're, like, my hero."

"Yeah." Then I slide again.

She started dancing for real and like rubbing her nice ass on my nice crotch. I told her that I didn't feel like dancing and that I would rather slide. I slide again to demonstrate my point.

"You have got to show me how to do that! I don't know how. I'm Ashley, by the way."

We shook hands and then didn't let go. We were holding hands when she put down her cigarette out and was like "Okay how do I slide?" Our fingers interlaced.

It should have been obvious at this point that this girl wanted to lay down on me and sex time me. But I get really focused. You remember the knives? It was like that except I was focused on sliding.

So, we slide.

I wing her around and off we go. Good speed. Nice leg lift-off. Adequate extention. A great slide!

Right into the DJ Booth.

I don't think Ashley wanted to slide-slide. She wasn't as good at sliding as I was. She kinda fell back and spilt her drink on herself. I laughed at her rookie mistake.

I stood up to the DJ shaking his finger at me. Like he was my Asian DJ dad. The finger shake, huh?

"You were supposed to say SAAAAAAAAAAAAAFE like an umpire". But he just talked about how I could have unplugged wires and blah blah anti-sliding blah.

Ashley eventually stood up and left the dance floor. She didn't really say goodbye.

I went home alone and drunk. It was a shame considering Ashley was a Top-25'er. Yikes. I kind of regretted that one the next morning.

Then again maybe not. I mean who doesn't know how to slide? Honestly? I was nice enough to teach her! I deserved some type of reward.


princess tatas said...

You were into sliding, she was into sex, simple as that. She could not give you a good slide and she clued in that you were maybe more interested in sliding than in sexing, so, off she went. It all works out in the end. If everyone was into everything at one time, it would not be good.

Conti said...

who would rather have sex then slide? babes are so weird.

Melissa said...

Why didn't you just combine your interests,like, having sex while sliding.

Ajax said...

"The babe zone" hahaha

Christine said...

Hahaha Awesome!!
You did the right thing by letting her go. Bitches that can't slide usually have nasty STD's and smelly vaginas. Not so hottie!

I don't want to brag but since you brought it up, Umm I've won the Canadian Sliding award of excellence 3 years in a row. I'd be very interested in seeing your slide. If you're as good a slider as you say you are, I'd like to compete against you. Unless your afraid of a little Canadian chick kicking your ass. Leaving you incapable of ever sliding again. A broken man who slides no more, only glides.

Sorry, I get a bit competitive when it comes to sliding, sometimes. :)

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