I have this friend named Chris Christie that was in my dream two nights ago. We were in this hut shooting guns because there was this big battle going on. We were railing enemies until somehow this shithead-bad-guy got below us without us seeing him. He had a rocket launcher, but so did I. I got the first shot off. Fucking rocket shot grazed off HIS rocket launcher and didn't explode when it should have.
Well he was all loaded and now aiming at the war hut, so I fucking bailed. I shouted "Chris. Get Out Now!" But he was shooting a machine gun out the other side of the hut so I don't know if he heard. Anyways I just bailed right before the hut exploded. I'm pretty sure Chris died, but I'm not for sure. I didn't get sad or anything because I knew I was dreaming. Have you ever had that? A dream that you know is a dream? Anyways sorry about that Chris. I probably should have done something heroic and shoved you out of the hut or something, but I had to bail. You understand. Better you then both me and you.
Chris reads my blog every so often, real quiet-like. I hope he is laughing right now, as he reads this. What do you think, Chris? I'll bet you are reading this before bed. How was your day? Do you have your 3-inch thick glasses on, buddy? Are you going to whack off later? Yes? Who are you going to think about as you ejaculate? That Asian Co-worker you were telling me about? Laura Weaver? YIKES MAN! She's married. What about Big Body?
Remember Big Body?
Big Body was this girl that we would occasionally party with in HS. I think you can figure out how she got her nickname. Actually from the nipple up this girl was stunning. Her face was gorgeous. Her breasts were huge and round and fun.
But her lower body. Her lower body. Yikes. Santa Claus horizontally raped a super model. God created a screwy equator at her nipple; the Northern Hemisphere was Heaven and the South was hell. It was amazing, the body difference. Her lower body belonged to Shaquille O'Neal. Anyways we would party at her place because her parents didn't love her. Either that or they were always out of town.
Once Big Body tried to impress us handsome guys by chugging vodka. Straight from the handle. Like she was gulping vodka like it was water. It was disturbing to watch. She would eerily stare at you while she chugged. Would not blink. It reminded me of a teenage horse drinking from her mothers utter. This went on for like 40 seconds. Finished off an amazing amount of alcohol.
Once we were all partying upstairs, except for Big Body. She was seducing Chris, who had arrived late to the get-together. Big Body was on a lazy boy, with her feet up (a defiance of gravity, I assure you). Chris hopped on her lap and began smooching with her. I started walking down the stairs when I saw the couple. That was the first time I have ever gasped, I think. It was pretty badass. Chris was smart because he was sitting on her lower body so he couldn't see it. All he could see was her boobs and her face.
Anyways that's really all there is to this little story. Chris made out with Big Body. Now he's jacking off to her. JK! Chris!