8.19.2005

Burnt Orange

It's so hot in Austin right now that everything is melting. SSeriously. Its hard to type beacsuse my fingers are sticking to the melted pllastic of the keyboard. Paint is melting off of walls. Birds are melting in mid-air and turning into water. But then the water evaporates before it hits the earth.

Also, my brain is melting. Seriously. It's pretty gross. I can hear it slushing around. My brain melts a little and then slides into my stomach. No one in Austin is hungry because their brains are melting into their stomachs. Usually I'd eat a sandwich. Not today though. No thanks, I'm digesting some brain.

A melted brain really makes it hard to be normal. I find myself doing things I wouldn't do if my brain were normal.

Like today I was talking with a tall skinny guy at the park. He had a friendly smile and a handsome moustache. We had a nice conversation about potatoes, and he played tennis so we talked about that for a while. Like an hour into the converstion the guy just stopped talking. It took me a minute before I realized the guy wasn't a guy at all. I was talking to a Pringles container.

After that I walked around the park and sat down on a tree stump. There was weird music playing. I sat and listened for a while. This music sucks, I thought. Kids today and their fake punk rock. Turn that shit down!...My fucking brain is melting! I got up the stump and left. I walked a few yards when I discovered that I wasn't listening to a radio at all. I was listening to a dog die. He was panting and whining and moaning. Evaporation eventually put him out of his misery.

It's so hot that shade needs sunscreen.

A Subway worker died by making one of those toasted sub. Just too much heat. Cheese? Mayonnaise? Mustard?

It's so hot that infants can't drink breastmilk because their lips are burnt by mothers nipple.

Some people have given up on life. They put on a sweater and wait for the white light.

I'd tell you more but I need to get out of the heat. I'm heading to Houston this weekend. Houston should be cooler, right?

12 comments:

Ajax said...

Wow that sounds kind of scary.

Still, I'd like to visit Austria someday.

emertron said...

If you want to live, you should be naked all the time until it cools off.

TinaPoPo said...

Come to Princeton. My office is freezing. My brain has frozen to the side of my skull and I keep having to punch myself in the head to dislodge it. It hurts.

Melissa said...

Holy Hell is it hot outside! I can't even keep chapstick on my lips, it just melts off. Crazzeee!!!

fusselman's rabbit said...

wisconsin never gets unbearably hot really, and the fall is quite nice.

Christine said...

Whoa...that's hot!
It was crazy raining here today. A twister touched down a few towns over, flipping over cars and taking off roofs. Goodtimes!

Ashley said...

sounds hot. This calls for a sprinkle party

Ashley said...

I know! Will you trade her for a hammock and a sandwich ? :)

Tim said...

depends on what you mean by cooler.

princess tatas said...

Were you possibly on drugs when you were talking to the pringles container? I hope the dog did not really lay there and just die in the heat. It would be much nicer to die with a cool breeze going over your face. sorry....
Stay inside where there is AC...
Or, move to a cool, cool country like Canada :)

Jeff said...

you weren't talking to a pringles can. that was my autographed promo photo i gave you. here's another copy in case it melted:

http://photos1.blogger.com/img/151/6787/640/IMG_16653.jpg

butterscotch said...

gross