6.09.2005

TODAY!

Today I woke up feeling great. I woke up, flexed my bicep muscles, and took a deep breath of CRISP TEXAS AIR. I felt like a real American. TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING.

I was hungry for some breakfast, and decided I wanted something healthy. SO I ATE AN ONION. I ate that onion like it was apple. I just CHEWED AND CHEWED and enjoyed and enjoyed.

TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!

After that I was still hungry. I decided to keep on eating vegetables. SO I STARTED EATING RAW GARLIC. I ate garlic cloves like they were POPCORN KERNELS.

TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!

Before I headed out, I realized that my eyes were dry. I went to my bathroom and discovered that I was ALL OUT of eye drops. SO I USED TABASCO SAUCE INSTEAD. 4 drops in EACH EYE.

TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!

Before I headed to work, I called the HOWARD STERN RADIO SHOW. I told a joke ON THE AIR about how jews can't play football. HOWARD AND ROBIN LAUGHED AND LAUGHED.

TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!

On the drive to work, my wallet flew out of the open window. I had to act quick, so I disabled my anti-lock breaks like BRUCE WILLIS does in DIE HARD 3. I swung my car around and then went the OPPOSITE DIRECTION DOWN THE HIGHWAY. I swooped in and grabbed my wallet at the last second right before getting IN AN ACCIDENT just like that scene from WATERWORLD WITH KEVIN COSTNER.

TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!


TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!
TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!
TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!
TODAY I CAN DO ANYTHING!

8 comments:

Ajax said...

It's just "that kind" of day.

Melissa said...

*pats Mike on the head*
You can do anything you set your mind on

*pats Mike's head again*
The sky is the limit

Tim said...

could you loan me a dollar today?

Conti said...

I'm paying 2 rents this month- so noo. But I'll give you a 2005 Nickel. Have you seen them? They are new and handsomelooking.

hashleybutt said...

is that what it's like in tay-has?

Ali said...

And that imagination...

Anonymous said...

Very nice site! »

Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it! » » »