18 Things

  1. I've never asked anyone, "Hey do you want to make out in the kitchen?"
  2. I keep on thinking how weird it would be if poor people didn't sweat.
  3. There is this planet somewhere where lifeforms slide all over these soft, colorful tubes and its a lot of fun and they never get tired of sliding and there is no up, down, left, or right.
  4. I have a palm tree acid catcher in my hallway.
  5. My social security is 456-92-0018
  6. If your cell phone were a 15-year old girl, you'd be in jail, buddy
  7. My new apartment is going to be krunk-a-lunk
  8. Sending faxes should replace baseball as America's National Pasttime
  9. I kan mispell wordz beter than any1.
  10. I could throw a bunny rabbit farther than you.
  11. I once knew a toothless Egyptian teenager that would run marathons and pee in sinks. Now he has teeth, is no longer a teen, and makes monthly payments on a water boat.
  12. I'm shrinking.
  13. A good LOL joke is to say you plan on proposing to your future wife at Olive Garden.
  14. Once The Machine, The Egyptian, Chuckster, and myself took this midget to a Houston Astros baseball game. The midget had a loud voice and he started spitting everywhere. A uniformed woman had to warn him and the rest of us let out embarrassed giggles.
  15. The next time I ask a girl out on a date, and she says "NO", I'm going to request a powerpoint presentation that lays out why she said "NO".
  16. I'd eat a stapler for $3,100,000
  17. When push comes to shove, I could live life without straws
  18. If you're furious with an enemy, throw a soggy bagel at him. Gross.


Ajax said...

That's the most convincing argument to get a cell phone that I've ever heard.

Melissa said...

Could you throw said bunny way past that mountain?

Conti said...

I could throw it to the moon!

Conti said...

Dudes when I was writing this post there were totally numbers where those blue mini-soap bar looking things are. I can't stop frowning because of their disappearance.

Melissa said...

Tear, your numbers are gone :(

Best Bud said...

Hey Mike,

Being a US citizen, I thought it was funny how much disregard you showed by announcing your SS#!

Although, I bet all the illegal immigrants that read blogs just thought you were showing off.

Conti said...

HEY BEST BUD! Thanks for commenting. I totally hope you're having a killer time in Californa! LOL

I'm glad you left.

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