5.20.2005

Return to 6th

Last night was the first time in a while that I had a great time dt. DT is downtown for those of you who aren't so good at figuring simple things out. It started around 10 when I was in a bad mood for some reason. So I lifted some weights. That's a badass idea. To lift weights before going out. I felt all jacked up and strong while I was walking around.

We started out at Maggie Mae's and that was pretty normal. Then we met up with The Machine at Shakespears. The Machine was telling me about his latest pun achievements when these gypsies walked by and we had to stare. These gypsies had memorizing breasts but I knew they came to Austin in a wagon, so I didn't want to approach them. After that we headed over to The Aquarium. That place infuriates me because it's a huge 2-story club, yet for some reason they have the tiniest stairwell of all time. Going upstairs is like waiting in line for The Rambler or whatever at Six Flags. But I had fun there because we saw Bernie, an old buddy who just got back from Iraq. It was badass to see him home. Also he had two ladyfriends that loved to party. One of the ladies decided to use me as her personal stripper pole/person she wanted to grab. I didn't really complain because she was so focused and doing a great job. We ended the night at Blind Pig. Some girl kept hitting me with her Louis Vuitton purse so I finally decided to hit on her. She was a 27-year old that had just moved to Austin. I got her number when I realized that she looked like 10% Asian. That's hot. After that I saw a fight happen and these cops mased two dudes eyeballs.

On the way back Twomey kept telling us that he couldn't see anything he was so drunk and that he didn't even know who was driving. Some chick with a bad haircut kept calling The Rook. I got home and Phil was checking fantasy stats. I hadn't met her sister, so I looked at her face while she slept. Then I put a blanket over Paul because his feet were exposed. And then around 2:30 this girl with the same name as my sister called me and I was like What? Who? Huh?

The fun continued this morning when on the way to work I saw a one legged pirate woman let her pitbull take a crap in the middle of the street. Then I saw some guy without any pants on drive a motorcycle around while he smoked 3 cigarettes at once. The morning dj told me that rhinos across the world are in danger and we needed to do something about it. I thought to myself 'yeah i guess so'. I decided to grab some bagels for breakfast. The chick behind me in line was goooooooooooooorgeous and hooooooooooooooot. Like my type exactly. I tried to make small talk about spicy nacho bagels but she was focused on her 24 bagels. She laughed but was so shy to respond with real words. After I looked at her from the cash register I realized she was probably 18 or so and I was like damn I need to get to her before she wises up.

Anyways today I'm just going to work and maybe have a lightsaber duel with the fax machine. Lemme know whats going on this weekend.

24 comments:

Melissa said...

I spent two hours at Maggie Mae's last night and I don't remember most of it. I think it had to do with the three hours I spent at Salt Lick and all the free beer I had there. My brain is dead right now

Conti said...

You don't remember? We totally made out for like 1 hour and 58 minutes. You saw me and was like 'Oh my gosh I love your blog! Let's makeout!'

And I was like "Cool. Let me put some lip balm on first."

Ajax said...

And then my spaceship landed in your backyard and I busted out my portable swimming pool, and good thing it was warm and we swam around for awhile but I think I must of passed out because when I woke up I was at the bottom of the pool, looking up and I could see the sun sparkling and refracting through the three feet of water and I quickly swam to the surface and you were sitting on a lawn chair eating a muffin and when you saw me you said "wow, you can hold your breath for a long time!"

Conti said...

But then your cat Larry got into the muffin box so we couldn't eat any more. I said, "I'm still hungry, let's go to a deli and get some signature sandwiches!" But you didn't feel like it because your hands were wrinkled from the water and you were worried larry was going to choke. So we just started talking baseball and you cracked a joke about how your pussy Larry ate a muff-in. And at first I didn't get the joke but then I did and we did our secret handshake/hi five.

Ajax said...

Best night ever.

Conti said...

One for the ages.

Melissa said...

Oh yeah...it's all coming back to me now. Thank you boys!

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