Nate Dog

There was this kid that went to my high school named Nathan. He was short, and probably weighed 105. But he had a huge head. Not like a big ego...his actual head was the size of a watermelon. He was a nice guy...pretty quiet unless you started a conversation. Anyways I tell you about Nathan today because I was in the same gym class as him. Every few weeks we'd have to run a timed mile. For some reason, Nathan never had to run the mile. Everyone hated it, and no one wanted to run it, but Nathan was the only one who would get out of it. One day I asked Nathan why he didn't have to run.

His response was something like this: "Running on a track is real bad for you. My mom wrote a note to Coach Hitt saying she didn't want me to run. Because when you run your organs bounce up and down, and that's really bad for you. Just think about it...your heart and lungs are going up and down a lot."

Haha. Fuckin Nathan didn't have to run because his mom is crazy. Your organs bounce up and down? Are you kidding me? People have been running since forever. What is your mom thinking? Is she afraid that if run real fast and then stop suddenly your organs will fly out of chest? Is she afraid if you do a handstand your organs will slip out of that huge head of yours? Fuckin Nathan. Haha what a kid.

Also when I was young my mom told me that she loved ketchup and when she was a kid she'd put it on everything she ate. I asked, 'even cake?' And she told me yes, she even put ketchup on her cake. I'm just now realizing that she was just saying that. Thanks mom.

Quit trying to be edgy and make a statement by putting a bumper sticker on your car.

"Well-behaved Women RARELY Make History"

-Neither do women with dumb bumper stickers on their car. Thanks.

"Keep Honking. I'm Reloading."

-Real funny joke asshole.

"Don't blame me. I didn't vote for Bush!"

-translation: "I hate how things are going but I'm too much of a pansy to do anything about it or move to Canada. But I'm going to whine anyway!"

"My kid beat up your Honor Roll kid"

-That's great. Sounds like he's well on his way to a "Keep Honking. I'm Reloading" sticker.

Don't put a $2 sticker on a $20,000+ investment.