5.05.2005

Don't invite me to your wedding. I've never been to one and there's a reason for that. That's because I'm MRFuckinC. At some point I will interrupt the ceremony. I'll show up in a fake moustache and say bizarre things. I'll request Vanilla Ice at the reception. I'll start talking to Jesus when the priest isn't looking. I'll tell your parents I plan on stealing any babies you have. I'll give you crummy DVD's and dead batteries to you as a gift. I'll awkwardly hug your younger sister. I'll loudly say "This cake isn't spicy enough" and then laugh at my own joke. I'll play Tetris on my cell phone when you're saying your vows. I'll wear a lobster costume and demand to sit in the front row. I'll put shoe polish on my face, start dancing, and tell everyone I'm an Usher. I'll tell the flower girl that she's not doing a very good job. I'll keep saying 'Doesn't Jill look beautiful?' when no Jill is at the wedding. I'm bring celery and hide it under the church pews. I'll get drunk and tell everyone I can eat lightbulbs. I'll make dolphin noises when you have your first kiss. I'll tell everyone my name is Todd and that I sell paper supplies to Fortune 500 companies. I'll find the girl with the biggest breasts at the wedding and ask her how the best women are doing.

Shit like that. Plus a cape.

3 comments:

Amy said...

HAHAHAHA. That's awesome! If I ever get married, I'll invite you & make sure that you have a babysitter & your own special photographer. :c)

Peach said...

I think you were sitting behind me at the last wedding I went to. Either that, or you've inspired copycats. :-)

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