3.20.2005

Naming things are hard for me

I'm only going to say this once. If I were ever dating a girl, and I took that girl out on a romantic lake, and our boat started to leak, and the girl I was dating decided to stuff a tampon in the hole to stop the leak, I'm going to hit her with my oar and then break up with that girl. How gross. I don't give a shit that it stopped the leak. I would rather drown. Thanks. I could have just fuckin paddled to shore. No biggie. Keep that shit in your purse.

When I get rich I'm going to hire a music man. Basically he's going to follow me around with a stereo and play badass songs at opportune times. For example, when I'm playing basketball and make a siiick trey, he'll play Tag Team - Whoop There It It. When I'm having a romantic moment with my ladyfriend, he'll play Donna Lewis - I Love You Always Forever. When things really heat up with my ladyfriend, he'll play Whoop There It Is again. Heyyyyy-oooooooo

If you're wondering what its like to be the funniest human on the planet, just ask me. For the most part its great.

6 comments:

Jonathan said...

Your blog makes me smile.

Mostly because I find moustaches to be delightfully intriguing and sometimes, if done right, beautiful. Have you ever seen a moustache, glistening with small beads of sweat, shining underneath the summer moonlight? [shivering...slight sigh...and whimper]

Therefore, I urge and beg you to continue upon your moustache ways.

Your biggest admirer.

- Juan

Jen said...

Ben and I were talking about that commercial just last night. That girl has a BOX of tampons with her. How long is she planning on being in that rowboat?

Lainey said...

Now I have that damn song in my head. "Say you love and love me forever, never stop, never whatever, near and far and always in everywhere and everything!"

Conti said...

I love you all for commenting.

Hey Jonathan can we for write something badass and get famous?

Hey Jen can we watch Shrek 3 together?

Hey Elaine can we make out together?

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