Naming things are hard for me

I'm only going to say this once. If I were ever dating a girl, and I took that girl out on a romantic lake, and our boat started to leak, and the girl I was dating decided to stuff a tampon in the hole to stop the leak, I'm going to hit her with my oar and then break up with that girl. How gross. I don't give a shit that it stopped the leak. I would rather drown. Thanks. I could have just fuckin paddled to shore. No biggie. Keep that shit in your purse.

When I get rich I'm going to hire a music man. Basically he's going to follow me around with a stereo and play badass songs at opportune times. For example, when I'm playing basketball and make a siiick trey, he'll play Tag Team - Whoop There It It. When I'm having a romantic moment with my ladyfriend, he'll play Donna Lewis - I Love You Always Forever. When things really heat up with my ladyfriend, he'll play Whoop There It Is again. Heyyyyy-oooooooo

If you're wondering what its like to be the funniest human on the planet, just ask me. For the most part its great.


Jonathan said...

Your blog makes me smile.

Mostly because I find moustaches to be delightfully intriguing and sometimes, if done right, beautiful. Have you ever seen a moustache, glistening with small beads of sweat, shining underneath the summer moonlight? [shivering...slight sigh...and whimper]

Therefore, I urge and beg you to continue upon your moustache ways.

Your biggest admirer.

- Juan

Jen said...

Ben and I were talking about that commercial just last night. That girl has a BOX of tampons with her. How long is she planning on being in that rowboat?

Lainey said...

Now I have that damn song in my head. "Say you love and love me forever, never stop, never whatever, near and far and always in everywhere and everything!"

Conti said...

I love you all for commenting.

Hey Jonathan can we for write something badass and get famous?

Hey Jen can we watch Shrek 3 together?

Hey Elaine can we make out together?

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