12.21.2004

I also need a haircut

Hey Everbody! This is my blog! I'm writing on it!

If anyone were to try and steal my blog I was defend it with honor. I would wear a handsome, furry jacket that my uncle wore in the 70's. I would watch The Last Samurai and study Tom Cruise and the Asian men's moves. I would have periphial vision like Clyde Drexler on a fast break....quickly undercutting any enemies that try and sneak behind me. I would dust the Zorg and pray to the Gods that gave me the weapon. I would use Admiral Ackbar as a diversion. I would read books, gain knowledge from the books, and then donate the books to charity so poor children can read them. I would put a camera in my lamp like Meet the Parents. I would hide my cell phone to protect the identity of those on the phone. I would break a lightbulb into a ton of little pieces, and spread the pieces on the floor around my room. This way I could hear footsteps and know it was time to defend and attack. I would visualize myself with Samus and her showing me her explosive moves that she uses on MewTwo and Link.

Earlier in life, there was a tree behind my house in Sugar Land. It was an old, beautiful tree. One day Jesus decided to destroy the tree by hitting it with lightning. The tree fell onto our fence, and into our backyard. The next day I examined the tree. It was a dead, beautiful tree. As I sat on its large trunk, I decided this was my favorite tree of all time. I wanted to remember the tree. I grabbed a hatchet from the garage and used my very powerful body to cut a beautiful branch from the beautiful tree. I stripped the bark from the tree and had a naked, perfect piece of wood. It felt very good to hold with my hands. I still hold it from time to time.

"But Richard, I'm in the middle of this speech!"

"I've got two small pair."

"Unbeatable!"

One day I'll write on the Winnie the Pooh notebook and not punch my door.



2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This blog lacks. It's very entertaining when you post.. but it's been over a month. Come on, man!

Conti said...

Hey buddy...no one talks to me like that...I'll find you. I don't even know an Anonymous...but I'll you. And when I do.........................make no bones about it.................................